Gold Nugget

Goldnugget, More than meets the eye.

2007-08-09T06:36:00.000-07:00

It's been i dont know how long since i've posted something. I wanted to get some of my frustration out in the open. I was talking with Mrs. Goldnugget about movies i want to see. Of course, since I'm still 10 at heart and behavior (see previous posts) the first thing I said is that I wanted to watch the Transformers movie (insert noise of autobots made by transformation). Her response was "I haven't been to the theaters in 6 years (pretty sad for both of us huh) and you want me to watch that?"

This prompted the following question: After not going to the theaters in 6 years what is a movie worth watching? Your thoughts are welcomed.

In the end I will see Transformers with a friend of mine. You might even see me wearing my optimus prime costume. Childish you say? I think not. Just look at the picture. ENOUGH SAID.

Supermarket Blunder

2006-04-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

Since coming to America (pun intended) I haven't had many jobs. I was a paper delivery boy, worked at a grocery store, sports apparel store and as you know UPS and now as an attorney. Can you see the development in my years towards adulthood? Hahahaha, yeah right.

A memory from one of those jobs comes to mind. When I was working at the grocery store I worked in all the different departments, that's right, Jack of all traits, master of none. When I was working in the dairy department, outside of the door we used to stack all the plastic crates where the milk was shipped. At times that stack could go 8 rows deep and about 10-15 stacked in each row. Needless to say if you bumped into one, all would fall.

Anyway, my friends and I used to play this stupid game. When one of us was on the speaker saying "clean up in isle..., or customer needs assistance on isle..." Some one else would come from behind and punch you in the stomach. And those of you who have been punched in the stomach you tend to make this funny sound "huuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh." So from time to time instead of hearing "customer needs assistance on isle 8," you would hear "customer needs asshhhhhhhhuhhhhhhhhhhhhh." This used to piss the managers off a lot, but it was funny and we never stopped.

The funniest instance of this childish behavior came when one of my friends was about to talk on the speaker. I was hiding behind the doors inside the milk cooler stacking milk. He didn't see me and proceeded to make the announcement. As he is about to talk I get right behind the door. He begins with "Could I have a manager..." As he's saying this, I jump out and punch him hard in the stomach. So he's announcement was "Could I have a manager in ishhhhhhhuhhhhh."

The funny part is that I punched him so hard that he slipped back a bit. His foot slid on water, he falls back on all the stacked milk crates. You hear on the loud speaker all the crates falling. Once the noise stops from the crates you can hear my friends voice saying, as he's holding his stomach bent over "Oh Shit."

In order for my buddy not to get in trouble I do the honorable thing stand next to him laughing and I hung up the phone so the whole store won't hear the rest. A supervisor goes by him and asks him what happened and he says "I was making the call when Nugget can jogging around to help a customer and he accidentally bumped into me and that's when I fell."

Soon after this the managers didn't find our game funny and told us that if we continued that, that some one would get fired. After that no one did it anymore. So we would just go to the top of the isle's hide there and eat chips and drink Yoohoo. Those were the days

Awarding a medal for flag burning?

2006-03-31T12:45:00.000-08:00

A lot has been going on in the Hispanic community. As some of you may know Hispanics are trying to show solidarity by doing walk outs. There was a huge walk out in Milwaukee (although not present friends told me it was a very moving day for some) to demonstrate the recent events in legislation as to what to do with illegal immigrants. My stance is to let them stay, most of the work they have and do are things that the average person may not want to do, but they do it anyway out of necessity, they don't get shit and on top of that people complain when they're getting paid $1.50 an hour.

Anyway, in addition to walk outs there are a couple of movies regarding the Hispanic community. One is called "a day without a Mexican" and the other is "walk out." Good movies, I recommend them, I digress.

Apparently in Arizona some kid lowered the American flag and put the Mexican flag up. Then some white kids took the Mexican flag down and burned it. Then fighting words were said and we have ourselves a hoe-down.

So who should get the medal? Should it be the kid that put the Mexican flag up or the kid that burned the Mexican flag?

The people of the Apache tribe that didn't run there, or gallop there to put their flag.
You shouldn't just waive your hand you should have your flag in your hand.

You didn't see this one coming did you? This girl should get it, or anyone affiliated with the Apache tribe. After all the name of the highschool is Apache Junction High School. This high school is most likely in what used to be Apache territory.
Let's face it people no one got it worse than the American Indians and no one gives them respect. I'm a proud his panic, but the flag post should be for the people who's land was taken. Sure, you can argue that at one point that part of the land belonged to Mexico. You gives a shit, they probably took it from the Apache first, then the Americans took over that part and then subjected them to the pain and agony no one wants to talk about.

So I say to you Mr. Apache guy holding the flag, shame on you for not getting there first and claiming what is rightfully yours. Please accept my medal.

Undecided recipient of Fool gold's Medal

2006-03-17T07:25:00.000-08:00

This is a story that is funny and sad at the same time. This story is about cows, police, and illegal immigrants, if that's not the beginning to a joke I don't know what is.

It seems like you can start a lot of jokes with "in a town in Texas..."

Read the story, as I can't summarize it for you, it's just to funny to comprehend.

So now comes to debate as to who to give the medal too.
1. It could be to the driver of the truck for not closing the door right and letting the cows fly (can't you picture cows flying like in the movie Twister?)
2. It could be to the police for not controlling the situation and on top of that for one of them to almost get run over.
3. Finally, we could give it to the dead cow, why not because of it's death someone is gonna have nice steaks and hamburgers for dinner.

I'll let you decide.

My pick is the cow though.

Cheaters never win

2006-03-15T10:53:00.000-08:00

Since March madness has started this is an appropriate time to tell the story about a failed scam at basketball pool.

About a year ago my friend and I entered into a pool to try to get some money from the basketball tournament. It started very innocent. I paid the money, my friend paid the money and we were given the brackets to make our picks. In comes the devious mind of my friend, we shall call him Myer Lanski (after the notorious Jewish Mafia member from the 30's).
Myer comes up to me and says the following:
"looky here see, I got a in on the pool and we should make a move before others notice."

Ok it wasn't exactly like that but you get the point. He devices this plan in hopes the it would work. His plan was as follows:
1. He will make his picks, mainly choosing the favorites.
2. I will make my picks along the same lines but choosing the possible upsets.
Check. And this is when then plan begins.
3. Once we made the first picks then we decide that whatever he picks I would pick the opposite. Brilliant right? Not really. First the odds that he would pick the right teams and I would pick the right teams are astronomical. Then the odds that what ever he doesn't pick I would and for that to work is nonsensical. But, at the time it seemed like a great idea.

The point of the whole thing was that there was a possibility that the favorite could win, which is what he chose. The other possibility was that an underdog could win it all, which was what I chose.

The tournament begins Myer is licking his chops already sensing victory from our devious plan. I'm already spending the money.

The tournament gets to the Sweet 16. Myer is already out with his picks, but surprisingly (not at the time because our plan was so good and so were my choices, at least that's what I thought) I'm still in. I am in second place and I'm already devising the plan for next year.

Then it's the Elite 8. Ouch. Things are starting to look bad, I'm now in 3 place in points, but I can still win it.

Final 4. WHY DID I LISTEN TO MYER, I'm out of the running and now have fallen to 4th place and no chance in winning any money. Unbeknownst to Myer, I kept a separate sheet of the picks I would've made had I not entered into this devious and ridiculous plan. Had I stayed with my original picks I would've finished a respectable 2nd and an easy $80 in my pocket. Instead I sat in my chair in disgust being $5 in the negative. Thanks Myer.

The Gold Nugget of the day is:
1. Never go to business with Myer Lanski.
2. Listen to what ESPN has to say not Myer Lanski.

Since I've been talking about Myer I think I will end this story with an anecdote.
Going into business with Myer Lanski is like driving a Kia. His services are cheap but he is unreliable and in the end costs you more than what you bought it for.

Time for another award

2006-03-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

Friday is finally here and the award goes myspace.com. I give the award to this wonderful site for two reasons, and both for making headlines.
1. As some of you may know, myspace.com got publicity from some guys who made a video about the site. I personally didn't care for the movie (mainly because I wasn't in it) but others seemed to enjoy it. So far so good for myspace.com.

Now the not so good publicity

2. Some middleschool kid posted death threats and antisemetic comments on his post on myspace.com. YES is did say middle school. I remember my middle school days. There were threats to beat someone up, there were fights, and there was even one girl that got pregnant in my middle school. I have to admit I was torn as to who to give the medal to. I thought the kid at first because of how stupid to post stuff like that for all to see, and you know there's some rat kid ready to tell the whole world about that. So I was really contemplating giving him the medal for being stupid and being a racist little bastard (am I badmouthing a middle school kid? wow that's sad, but he does deserve it). Quick side note, I wonder what his parents are like, do they share his same views, and if so then they should be the ones getting the medal.
ultimately I chose myspace.com just because of the publicity they're getting, including the bad.

Congratulations Tom (myspace.com) for the publicity, please accept this medal as a token of my appreciation to your site.

Here is the presenter with your medals.

My Medal goes to...

2006-02-24T07:49:00.000-08:00

Jennifer.
Who is this might you ask? Well, this girl went on Oprah's show and talked about having unprotected sex with over 90 guys. Click here to get the "dirty" on this chick.
She gets the medal for two reasons.
1. For making a fool of herself on national television.
2. For not going into the porn business and making money while doing this, per my research she lost out on about $200,000 (and this is with a low quality production company).

Enjoy the medal Jennifer. Not that way Jennifer. No. Wait. It goes around your neck. Now you got it.

Today's Award Goes To...

2006-02-17T13:27:00.000-08:00

We'll see how long I can keep this up, but I'll attempt to award the FOOL'S GOLD MEDAL to some idiot every Friday.

Today's recipient of the medal is, and very appropriately, Lindsey Jacobellis. If you don't know about this chic you gotta check it out. She thought it would be appropriate to celebrate before she actually crossed the finish line. She falls short of the finish line, looses to the Swiss and now has the silver medal instead of the gold medal.

From my podium in Blogger Nation I present to you, Lindsey Jacobellis, the first FOOL"S GOLD MEDAL. Congratulations. You a Busta straight Busta.

Why do I do this - Childish behavior

2006-02-15T08:11:00.000-08:00

Was chatting with Homer the other day and we were discussing some of my childish behavior.
This is what we remembered.

1. A bunch of lawschool friends were gathered in the lawschool's atrium. I pull out my camera phone and ask two people to get close so I can take a picture of them. They get excited and give each other a hug and give a huge smile for the camera. All this just so I can say "You fools, what in the hell makes you think I want a picture of both of you." I say this in front of everybody and of course everyone's like "oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh, that's cold," as the two victims just stand there with a grin that says "nugget, you're an ass, and we just got burned."

2. For some reason Homer always had a brand new pen for class just about every time we had class. How do I know this? Well as the title eludes to I would (and he sat next to me in just every class we had) grab his pen cap (kid of like the one pictured here) and just break it. This would drive him nuts. The funny thing is that he had to know I was going to do that but he insisted in bringing a new pen and pen cap for me to break. Why did I do this? I have no clue, just did it for the hell of it.

3. For the Freakinrican's birthday, before class, we went to a restaurant to have lunch and for him to have a few drinks. He has 3 beers (one spilled on him by the waitress) and is buzzing. We get to class and another friend gives him a bottle of brandy for his bday. He has a mug already from the restaurant (at this place you get a mug and a balloon in your bday) and we decide to open the bottle and poor him some. As he's drinking this, while in class, he is looking more and more drunk. He says, "I can't have more of this shit." But he still had some in his cup, while he's not looking a fill it up just a little and tell him he has to finish. He takes a sip and looks away. I refill it again and tell him to finish it. This goes one a few more times till he says "what the fuck I should be done with this by now." He realized what I had been doing and takes the mug away. I go to the bathroom get a plastic cup and poor him some more. He drinks it and that was that. By the end of class he was very "happy" and if you know the rican you'd know he'd say something stupid. He blurted something to the teacher, I think answering a question or commenting on something, but since he's drunk he says it loud as hell and of course we all had a laugh at the rican's expense.

4. Once in a while I would crash at Homer's place, ok, I practically lived there for 3 semesters, to which I'm eternally grateful thanks Homer (can you feel the tears pouring?). At his place I did many childish stuff. For example, everytime he came out of the bathroom I would hid and scare him. It worked all the time. Another time he was sleeping, and let me tell you this foo can sleep 24 hours straight, and I, always the early person, run and jump on top of him to wake him up. That had to be one of the times he was most annoyed. Finally, one time I got my laptop out and for some reason I was able to get wireless internet. He's on his computer IM-ing someone and I IM him, while I'm next to him. I IM him and tell him "hi Homer this is nugget's wife. Can I ask you a question?"
He looks at me and says "dude your wife is online and wants to ask me something." I say go ahead. I make some shit up about me lying to her about were I was staying and what I was doing. This made Homer very nervous and did not want to lie to her, but then again he didn't want to let his boy down by busting me out. This went on for a while until I could no longer hold the laughter. He will never admit this but his face was SO RED from the awkwardness of the situation.

5. This will be the last one. I have this habit of lying about the most stupid of things. I'm not lying about the above stories but otherwise I lie a lot. I like to say that I joke a lot. My wife likes to say "you're a pathological liar and you need help." That statement is true, I do need help but then again who doesn't.

The Hand of Fate

2006-01-26T10:08:00.000-08:00

This post is about the first girl I attempted to ask out. This story is inspired by fellow blogger Guy with 2 cats.

As you may remember I came to this country when I was in 5th grade. This story takes place in the 6th grade. A school in the suburbs with rich kids and pretty girls. And then there was me, shaggy hair, bad clothes and bad accent.

There was one girl I like the minute I saw her. She had long brown hair and was fun to play with. She could hang with the boys in all sports and was as strong as most of them, including myself (I don't know why I'm admitting to this but what the hell, we had an arm wrestling contest and her and I tied, we went head to head and we both tried as hard as we could but neither could bend the other).

Well as time went we became good friends and as we hung out a lot in school and in the playground I began to like her more. Much to my delight I found out that she like me.

Let me describe the setting. When you walked in through the doors the class room was to the left and then to the right there was another door that led to the coat room right behind the classroom. Kids would hang their coats and backpacks there.

A mutual friend pulls me in the coat room and tells me that (we'll call her Shera) Shera likes me and I should ask her out. My palms start sweating and my heart is beating 2000 beats a second. My face gets red and I get really nervous. Nothing has happened yet and I'm already a mess.

I ask "what should I do, or what should I say." She tells me "just go there talk to her like usual and see if she wants to go to a movie with you, I guarantee you she'll say yes." Then she goes back to her desk because class is about to start.

I stay in the coat room alone thinking of what I should do. This is the first time this happens to me and I have no idea as to what to do. I have 2 older brothers but I can't call on them now, it's up to me to get through this, right? WRONG. If you were ever in this situation you would know that FATE has every thing to do with it.

So, I say to my self as I walk to my desk and slowly sit on my chair "I know, if I make this then it's on."

I sat in the front of the class by the door, so the waste basket was infront of me behind the door. I close the door, sit back on my chair and take out a piece of paper. I crumple it tight. I want to make this a perfect circle so it looks like a ball. I look at the basket and think to myself "if dees goes in dee wayste baskeet I will call her."

I get ready, I shoot and I MAKE IT. For a split second there was joy but then it hits me. OH SHIT. Now I'm even more scared than before because now FATE SAYS I MUST ASK HER.

As I'm thinking this through I hear a voice, can't really comprehend what is saying but I think someone is calling my name. I pay no attention and I just keep thinking what the hell am I going to say.

Finally I hear my name distinctly and look up and there's the teacher looking at me. I say "yes?"
he tells me "Just what do you think you're doing mister?" I say "huh" not knowing what the hell he's talking about.

He says "What you just did what do you think you're doing."
As if there's nothing wrong I say "uhhhhhhh shooootin garbage?"
He says"well I'm glad you did that, now here's what your going to do. You're going to go out that door to the principals office and sit there and tell the principal why you thought it was urgent to throw paper while I'm teaching"

The other kids are laughing at me, I look like a fool just getting yelled at by the teacher and because of this I never did ask her out. At least not that day. Well, never, I was too embarrassed and I couldn't put myself together to got to her. We remained friends but I never got to "ask her out."

Strip club etiquette

2006-01-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

This is just a random comments on strip clubs. It's been a while since I was in a strip club, but the thing to do is that whenever a girl approaches you, you have to tip her. I didn't mind tipping them when I'm by them and they're putting on their show. What I really hate is when they put their clothes back on and they walk around collecting money. Sometimes I ended up tipping them twice, once while she's performing and the second time when they do the walk-aromatic.

There is a way to avoid the second tipping. Maybe I'm the only cheap person that did this but when they were doing the walk-around and approached my table, I would get up and either go to the bathroom or got up to go to the bar. The worst was when a ugly ass girl approaches, you don't have a chance to leave and end up tipping an ugly ass girl. I always got joy when I would get up and leave, and leave my buddy behind stuck with tipping the ugly dancer.

I've been to a few strip clubs where there was full nudity. The first time I went to one of these I was 18, so naturally I wanted a lap dance. I pay the money and when the girl starts her routine she dances for a bit, takes the top off and keeps on dancing. I'm thinking "the song is almost over and her panties are still on." Much to my detriment I came to find out that even in full nudity strip clubs, they don't do lapdances fully nude. That may not be the case everywhere, but all the places in the surrounding area were like that.

I was at another strip club and was in the dance area when the girl was doing some moves, much to my enjoyment. I, like a gentleman, put the dollar in my mouth so she can get it with whatever part of her body she likes (except her hands). She gets really close and starts the heavy breathing to "turn me on" (you know what I mean, right Homer?). She then does something unexpected, she sticks her tongue in my ear and licks it real good and proceeds to the other side and does the same. I hadn't notice her doing that to the other guys there so I'm thinking "damn maybe she actually likes me and maybe I can hook up with a stripper, how cool would that be" (shut up, I was 18 and horny, I can hope can't I?) Just as I'm thinking that I look to my left and she's doing the same to the guy and then that's when it hits me.
1. She's done this to tons of guys and who knows where in the list I am, it's almost like getting dirty seconds, or 5ths for that matter.
2. How much ear wax had she swallowed that night.
3. What does her mouth taste like (I don't want to know)
4. If she has a boyfriend, does he know she does this and does he care that he has other guy's earwax in her mouth?

Finally, does it hurt when they jump on the pole hang on with their legs and slide down? You don't see firemen sliding down the pole in shorts, plus I had a friend that was a fireman and he said he did that once and hurt like hell. I know strippers don't slide down fast or a long way, but it would seem like it would hurt nonetheless.

Fight Club

2005-12-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

This is just a random story about the first fight I got into. Let me start by saying that there were other fights prior to this one but they really weren't fights because I apparently wasn't that much of a challenge to the other guy. OK I admit it I was the pawn for two bullies in elementary school. I digress.

Anyway, when I was in 7th grade I was chilling by my locker, I was still a dork and my accent was still terrible. As I was saying, I'm chilling there getting my books for my next class when the guy next to me hits me with his locker door. I look at him, he doesn't say anything and I push the door back. I apparently pushed his door to hard for his liking and he decided to start some static with me (you like that phrase? It was used a lot in that time). It's funny remembering this and it seems as if it happened yesterday.

He pushes me, I push him back. He calls me an asshole I call him a bitch. He throws the first punch aimed at my stomach. I, very much like Ralph Macchio, block it with the skills taught by Mr. Miagi.

After the punch is thrown I could hear the crowd saying "Ohhhhhhhhhhh damn, he blocked that shit, hit him, hit him back." I just stand there with a shitty ass grin telling him that I wasn't having any of it and he should try again.

He then lunges at me and I get cracked in the back of the head. I thought to my self "damn this nigga can hit." Felt like I got with a rock or something. I then push him and just when I do that I throw a right cross that landed by his eye and nose.

The guy falls back and to the ground and starts crying. At this point I don't know what got into me, but it was almost like Ralphi, from the Christmas Story when he starts beating the bully up and starts swearing and punching like a nut. I was about to get on him and start punching but a teacher pulled me off. As I was trying to get on him I was saying shit like "get up bitch, this is too easy," and "you ready for some more pain?" and my favorite "If I were you I'd stay there otherwise I'll end you." who the hell says "I'll end you."

My friends told me this later and as you might be right now they were laughing not only at what I said but how I said it with my broken ass English.

Back to the fight. When I got hit by this fool and later when I pushed him his Lock flew out of his hand. Apparently this fool tried to knock me out with his lock. The fact that the lock didn't do anything to me at the time and the fact that I took this fool out with one punch gave me some cred in the school. 1000 points RESPECT (thats from GTA got that Homer?).

One of the teachers pulled me into her class room to then take me to the principal's office. Her whole class is already seated and she asked me "what happened" I said "Tom started it he hit me with lock in head." (I didn't mistype the way you read it is the way i said it)

After that I was seen as someone that shouldn't be picked on. I laugh at the stupidity of this fight but in reality this was the first time I was seen not as a kid to be bullied. This story may not be a big deal to some of you, but for someone with shitty ass clothes, bad accent and very few friends it did wonders for my school reputation.

News alert!!! King Kong is a racist movie.

2005-12-22T08:42:00.000-08:00

Recently there has been a lot of talk about the movie King Kong and what it represents. I went through many cites looking for this and found common themes of racial problems with the movie. Here is a list of why this movie is racist towards black people.

1. White people going to remote islands reminds of the white british slavery traders going to africa back in the expedition era.

2-King Kong eats dark women but falls in love with white blond woman.

3-The capture of King Kong is a reminder of these white slave traders capturing black africans.

4-The transfer of King Kong to New York is a reminder of black slaves moved to the new world.

5-The exhibition of King Kong for profits is a reminder of slaving black africans in cotton fields and other areas.

6-The revolt and subsequent destruction of King Kong is a warning to the dark slaves that whites will prevail.

How ridiculous is this? Well, it seems as if people are really analyzing this and looking at all the ways in which King Kong is related to slavery. I'm not black so I don't know how strongly I would feel about this, but being a minority I'll say this. I don't think the movie is racist and is portraying black slavery, but I would like to know who was the first person who thought about this.

It is my opinion that the only racism going on here is the person who started thinking this way. You would have to be racist to look at the different ways in which you can change something like this movie into something as vile as racist connotations. Either that or it's just another person bored thinking of ways in which he/she can start something up because he/she has nothing better to do with his/her spare time.

I find it amusing everytime a Hispanic friend of mine analyzes everything with a racial mind set.
When I see King Kong, I see a big ape looking for some interspecies loving. If there are people who have sex with animals why cant an animal want to have sex with a person? This clip is on point by the way (click on download video).

Lets face it, when this movie was first made the actresses were mainly white and blond. In order to keep the movie going as original as possible, all remakes are made as close as to the original. Personally I like when a remake is as close to the original as possible. And so what if it's a blond chick. Who doesn't like blonds.

How else are they supposed to bring King Kong to the city? It's not as if they had planes back then.

You can go on an on, and of course you can find many more racially related problems with the movie. I just find it somewhat ridiculous for all these thing to be brought up.

Maybe I'm not being sensitive to the issue, but I wont get involved until people start making fun of the brown race.

Big Mike.

2005-12-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

This will be, I'm hoping, the saddest post I will write. I write this post with tragic news. Some of my readers might remember my past post about Big Mike. I just found out he has passed in the most tragic of ways (that's all I'll say about that). My heart aches because I can no longer call on one of the person's with the biggest hearts I have ever met. To be honest I can actually count the number of people I know that have a heart as big as his.

I guess writing this post will let me get some things out and maybe get you a glimpse of my friend.

I met Big Mike on volunteer day at the lawschool. As the coordinator was distributing tasks, something last minute came up. The coordinator asked who would be willing to dig a whole to get to a clogged pipe. Mike raised his hand with no hesitation. He was always willing to do something to help out. God knows he helped me out.

We had many classes together and we talked a lot about what we wanted to do. He wanted to work in employment law in the management side. He was the founding father of the Pikes at UW Whitewater and helped establish the chapter at UW Madison.

I obviously can't tell you everything about him in this post but I will leave you with one of my fondest memories.

After my first year of law school my wife gave birth to our twin daughters. When I told Mike the news he looked as happy as I did. He gave a hug, a congratulations and a smile that was some what hidden by his bushy mustache and beard. We celebrated with his favorite drink, Captain and Coke (he would not drink anything else). Once they were born I moved to Milwaukee to be close to family. About two weeks before school started I received a call from Big Mike.

"Hey, what's up man, I'm in town. I wanted to see the girls and just stop to say hi"
"Good to hear from you Big Mike, I'll be home all day, stop by"

He knocked on the door, I opened it, and there he was, with that big smile and presents for my daughters. He bought one of them a stuffed Winnie the Pooh (color fuchsia ) and a stuffed Eeyore (a light blue color). He was so happy to give it to them, again he looked as happy as I would've been to give that to them. To this day my ddaughters have to sleep with them.

He stayed a while, played with my girls and we talked. He always asked me about my daughters (to me this is one of the most important things, when people truly have an interest in your kids tells you a lot about the person, and not those superficial questions but really wanting to know how they are, etc.)

When my wife gave birth to our third daughter, he wanted to see her and is unfortunate he never got to. It's unfortunate I will never speak to him and saddens me that I will never see that smile again.

I called him Big Mike because he was built like a rock but in reality it also means because he had such a big heart. I will always miss him and my thoughts are with his family. I never experienced this before with someone so close. I pray for his soul and will never forget him.

BIG MIKE, I WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU

Highway blues

2005-11-29T06:50:00.000-08:00

When I first came to this country I arrived in beautiful Miami. In Miami you get to see all kinds of nationalities, especially from Latin American countries. When I started school people would ask where I was from. I would say Bolivia and they knew the whereabouts of the country. I knew theirs and life was good. Then we move to Wisconsin.

Bad move right? Well, pops found a good job here and we moved. When I started school (6th grade) in Wisconsin, the kids would notice my accent and would ask where I was from. I would say "I'm from Bolivia" and these were their responses:

1. What state is that in?

2. Is that in northern Wisconsin?

3. Huh?

4. I bet there's no electricity there.

5. Do you have TV's there?

6. (one of my favorites) Is that in Africa? (obviously not everyone in Africa isn't black but damn, I'm not that dark?)

They're only in sixth grade right? Give them a break right? HELL NO. I was in sixth grade and in fourth grade I knew the capitals of most of the countries (the main ones that is, shit I couldn't tell you the capital of Djibouti (eventhough that is a new country, you get the point)).

So I would have to educate their ignorant asses. I would tell them where it is and how we got here. It was an nine hour flight, but that's not what I told them. These kids thought we came on a boat. They must have thought that Ellis island was still in operation. Anyway, I told them we came in the Intercontinental Highway.

I would tell them that it's a highway that stretches from the tip of Argentina to the US. I would tell them, "it looks just like the freeway here, we drove in my dad's Range Rover and took us a month to get here. " Some of them reacted in amazement, others reacted as if they knew what I was talking about. One even answered "yeah I heard about that, I also heard that it's a crappy freeway and the countries can't afford it." Rich bitch I ought to smack your ass.

It's crazy how ignorant some of these kids were. But it goes on to show that Americans aren't concerned about what happens outside their walls. Even poor countries like Bolivia take the time to teach about other countries and what happens outside our borders.

Goldnugget: when someone says something ignorant, just say something that makes them look even more ignorant than they are, that should make them feel good later when they tell someone else about the Intercontinental Highway.

A day with the Nugget

2005-11-08T10:17:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the best self portrait I could find. Here I am holding my first nugget. Ahhh the fond memories. Well lets begin the journey. This was my first trip to my club right after it was built. At the time I was living in San Francisco, land of GOLD.

My Friend and I get in my car (like the inscription on the side of the car?). To get to the our destination we have to pass, what else?

You guessed it. The GOLDEN gate bridge. The drive to Vegas will be a long one so we have to stop and get some goodies for the road. For some reason I was craving popcorn. My stand was coming up so we decided to get it there. Best popcorn in the world.

Nothing like warm weather, warm popcorn and a warm soda for a road trip. Since I'm driving the car I try to go as fast as possible, we make some good ground, but the trip is long and we do need to make a couple of stops. I like to plan everything as much as possible. I figure I can drive for about 5 hours and then make our first stop. Coincidentally our first rest stop will be my CLUB.

You may think, too early for that aint it? If you just said that and your a guy then you might be gay, but if you are a lady asking that then I say this, it's never too early to get a "rise" out of me. Just kidding and sorry if I offended my gay readers. hahahahha.

We stay there for a couple of hours and off we go to Vegas. I got a bit tired of driving and the early excitement of the club relaxes me too much so I'm too tired to drive. I let my friend drive, while I do so leisure reading.

This is the first edition of my magazine. The girl you see in the front was a friend of mine, her first pose. Not bad for an amateur. The reading is good and so are the pictures. We drive for a few more hours and finally arrive for the grand opening of the golden nugget.

Quite grandiose don't you think? The opening goes great. I get rich ass hell and as you can see people are lining up to see the me and my new casino. I do the rounds, mingle, get some digits and time to got to bed. But before I go to sleep I figure I play some video games to relax after a long day.

What other game did you expect?

Hope you enjoyed the trip as much as I did. Peace.

The Race Card

2005-11-04T06:02:00.000-08:00

Oh how I used to love using the race card. For those not familiar with it, the race card is when you use your minority status to rationalize a specific situation and bring in the fact that your a minority to your advantage. I'll give you an example of one that I used in High school.

The scene is this: we're in the auditorium waiting for the speaker and while we wait my friends and I are talking loud. Substitute teacher walks to our row and tells us to be quite. A few more minutes go by and we're still loud and she walks over again and tells us to shut up or else. At this point the speaker starts his speech and there I am being all loud (a minority begin loud when they shouldn't be? Not likely right?). At this point the teacher walks over by me tells me to go outside so she can have a word with me, and this is the conversation:

Me "what's up?" (trying to act like I don't know why I'm outside with the teacher)

Sub "I told you three times to be quiet and you didn't listen. You are going to get a suspension"

Me "what? Are you kidding me?"

Sub "No, I'm serious and you're going to the principal's office right now"

Me "Oh I see what's going on here."

Sub "what's that."

Me "let's put two and two together. There I am with my friends, white friends mind you, talkin loud, you just don't tell me to be quiet, if I recall you told all of us to be quite. Then for some weird reason I'M the one that gets suspended. I think you did this because I'm Hispanic."

Sub "WHAT? No that's not accurate."

Me "I'll tell you what's accurate, that out of a whole group of people I'M the ONE that gets singled out. You know I've experienced this before so I know it when I see it"

Sub "look (she says this in a calm voice and very sweet) why don't we just leave it at this. You were loud with your friends and you were the last one to be loud. I understand how you feel and what this may look like. Why don't we forget this whole problem and you go back inside, be quiet and we'll forget about that suspension."

Me "just so you know, I hope that what just happened here wasn't what I think it was."

As you can tell, I didn't get the suspension, I didn't see the principal and the sub and I were friends happily everafter. You gotta know when to use the race card and who to use it with.

Here is the goldnugget: The race card is good to have up your sleeve but you have to know when and who to use it against.

After the above mentioned episode I got over confident and used it with an experienced teacher. The result was quite different. When I tried turning it around with the race card her response was
"Well if that's how you feel then tell that to the principal when you see him. And if you think that everything is about race then you are going to loose most of the time."

That time I got the suspension, got that meeting with the principal and got a whoopen at home for getting suspended.

I passed on some bad genes

2005-10-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

Well, it was bound to happen. 10-26-05 marks the first time I take one of my daughters to the emergency room. My baby fell playing with her sister, landed awkwardly and unbeknownst to us, dislocated her elbow.

She started crying and when she wouldn't calm down I knew something was definitely wrong. She is one of the twins and she's always the one that gets hurt somehow. She has hit her head on a desk while running, scrapped her knees numerous times, and has she, more often than not, seems to be the one that instigates trouble.

My wife and parents will tell you that this is definitely from my pool of genes that I remorsefully passed on to her.

When I was 3 I had a chair fall on my head and cracked my head open and needed stitches. When I was 5 I was walkin on a brink fence that was about 10-15 feet high, I fell down and busted my ankle. When I was 6 or 7 I broke all the little bones on my wrist and and little chip of a bone punctured my skin. The list of other injuries goes on and on. I cracked my tailbone, almost torn my ACL, I dislocated my shoulder and chipped a bone in my other ankle.

It was so bad that all the doctors knew me and certainly all the nurses did too. I often talk about it with my parents and of course we laugh at it now and until this point I never thought as to how the felt everytime I hurt my self.

As I was holding my baby, and she was crying from pain, nothing hurt this much before, not even when I got dumped by my first "girlfriend" in 6th grade. This hurt like you guys wouldn't believe. Freakinrican, you will soon experience all these things.

My baby couldn't move her arm and everytime the doctor would move it she would start wailing. I know the doctor was helping her but at that time I wanted to bitch slap the doctor and call her incompetent for not making it better instantly.

I was holding my baby as tight as I could and I could feel her tears on my cheeks. All of a sudden, my wife says "I heard a pop." As soon as she said that my baby was smiling moving her arm and holding the stickers the doctor gave her.

Why oh why did I have to pass on this gene. I know there will be more times were I will find myself in the emergency room at midnight. I just hope that all the problems can be fixed as quickly as this one did.

Cracker

2005-10-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

This word came up twice this past weekend. I was mowing the lawn listening to Bigger and Blacker by Chris Rock. There is a part there were he's talking about old man Willie, and he says "cracka ass cracka." I was laughing at the word and how ridiculous it is for that to be an insult, it's like me saying "humus ass humus" to a Jew and him taking offense to that. Anyway the real point to this is how the word Cracker came up a second time.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I was home watching college football. The wife was tired from a loooooong night with the baby staying up and she was sleeping. That left me with the many responsibilities of watching very active twin daughters. To say the least I did as little as possible, not because I was lazy (well maybe a bit) but because I was also tired.

The twins woke up from their nap at around noon. I gave them spaghetti and I was keeping them company. One of my daughters saw crackers on the table and she asked "papi cookies please?" I then look at her and say "honey, this is a cracker not a cookie, can you say cracker?"
She looks at me and says "No cracka, is a cookie?"

I say "no, say cracker"
daughter "cracka"
Me "cracker"
her "cracka"
Me "that's good, don't forget, this is a cracker and those are cookies."

What a good dad right, teaching his daughter the difference between a cracker and a cookie. This lesson was almost deadly.

Later that after noon the family went to the mall to take a stroll. We're in the food court, and there is a lot of people, WHITE people. We're get chinese food at the food court and we get those lovely fortune cookies. Just as a white guy passes by our table, my daughter points (from a certain angle it would've looked like she was pointing at the guy, but she was pointing at the cookie) and says "cracka."

OH shit, I hope he didn't hear that. I don't think he did but there was a slight flinch as he walked that made me think twice. I quietly lean over to my daughter and say "honey, this is a cookie not a cracker." Again, a white girl passes by and my daughter says "NO, cracka." This time the girl kind of turns her head, but doesn't say anything. I hope she didn't think the worse. Lucky for me, my daughters aren't speaking quite as clearly yet. If they would've stopped and ask her to repeat it, they would've understood her, but since they didn't my Brown ass got lucky. Undoubtedly my wife looks at me in disappointment and says "See what you teach them?"

The goldnugget of the day is: If you have kids just learning to talk, watch what you say because when you least expect it they will repeat something you said earlier. It could be nothing or it could be as bad as being the only minority, surrounded by whites and your kid says CRACKA.

Childish Behavior

2005-10-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

When I was in undergrad I was working for a law firm as a messenger delivering letters, filing documents in the courthouse, etc. I was working there for a while when the firm decided to hire another person. They hired this white guy who looked like he just got back from a Dave Mathews Band concert with his hair all over the place, a track jacket and non-matching soccer socks. I may not be completely accurate about what he was wearing the first day I saw him but it is definitely what he wore other days. I took one look at him and thought that he was an indigent client and was in desperate need of help, we'll call him Jake.

Jake was the new messenger and we became good friends along the way. We did many things we shouldn't have done but since they loved us so much at the firm we got away with a lot. On the nice summer days we would sometimes take our bosses lexus for a wash or maintenance shop. We would think of a lie so we both could leave at the same time and we both could cruise with this nice ride (in case you're wondering it was, at the time, one of the first lexus SC430, red, hard top convertible, nice car). Of course we would take the long way to go to these places.

One of the many childish things I would do to embarrass him was something like; I would pull next to a girl (didn't matter if she was good looking or not) I would say to Jake "damn Jake check her out." Not knowing the goldnugget for his childish behavior, he would look at the girl and I would whistle at her or say something like "DAAAAAMMMMMNNN," the girl would turn to look in our direction and she would see Jake looking at her thinking it was him that whistled or said that. He would just give this embarrassed smile and call me an asshole.

Childish right? I tried to do as many things to embarrass him. I think one of the worse things I did was the following. We would often say racial things to each other and I would play the racial card, and minorities always win this game. I was driving with a bunch of my friends (all hispanic) in a car. It was a Puerto Rican friend of mine driving his Toyota corolla, circa 1980, and it was about 7 of us packed in this tiny car (I think we met the quota for generalizations about hispanics, you know, PR always driving toyota, hispanics packing as many people in one car, etc). Any way we were driving in the parking lot of the Athletic center of UWM. As we're making the turn I notice Jake walking by himself, looking as stragly as always, towards his car. He noticed me in the car and said something, I can't remember what it was. I stick half of my body out the window and I jokingly yell "KILL WHITEY!!!"
What's so embarrassing you say? Well, what I didn't notice was that not to far behind him was a group of about 10 black guys, which I'm sure just got done playing basketball. They heard me scream "kill whitey," and they noticed Jake and his appearance, and started laughing really loud. Jake also noticed the black guys behind him and all he could do was just put his head down in shame and embarrassment.

Some may think that was mean, but Jake and I still laugh about it to the day. Some may ask "why would u say kill whitey." Well the answer to that is simple. The night before I watched Black Sheep with Chris Farley. There is a scene in the movie were he goes back stage to talk to the reggae groups that is about to go on stage. Being Jamaican and a reggea group called for them to smoke weed. Chris gets high from the smoke, gets on stage and starts singing with the band and then he starts talking, getting the crowd going and then he screams "KILL WHITEY."
(freakinrican, you know what I'm talking about right?)
Obviously this scene was fresh in my head and I was compelled to say it.

Bad influence.

2005-10-07T05:50:00.000-07:00

I'll make this short and sweet.

I have twin daughters and they're 2 years old. They talk quite a bit but not always complete sentences. The other day they had me laughing so hard and at the same time it made me think "am I bad influence on them?"

My kids love watching Sesame street, Telletubies, Barney, etc. One of the shows they like is Reading Rainbow. If you guys are familiar with that PBS show, the host of the show is this black guy, his name is Lamar. Every time the shows comes one and see Lamar they say right away "Papi, Reading Rainbow," and watch attentively.

It's cute, until I noticed a pattern the other day. The Bernie Mack show came on and my daughters see Bernie and scream "Papi, Reading Rainbow." Then we're watching the a different show and a black guy goes on the screen and my daughters again say "Papi, Reading Rainbow."

What does this tell me? All Black people look a like. Minorities always joke on how they all look a like and as you can see, it doesn't take a white prejudiced male to notice that. Here is another example.

We were watching TV the other day with my daughters and in support of Hispanic actors we patiently waited for the season premiere of The George Lopez show. The show comes on, George Lopez is on screen and my daughters scream "Look it's Papi." Oh damn, not me, why me? I'm hopping that's the end of that and was a simple mistake. Then the next day we're flipping through channels and we come across the movie Born in East LA with Cheech Marin. My daughters see Cheech and what do they scream? You guessed it "Look it's Papi."

So you see readership, not only all black people look a like but al Hispanics look alike too. It hurts more for me because my daughters see me every day, we play together, I feed them, I change their clothes, I buy their clothes, and yet they still confuse me with George Lopez and Cheech Marin.

You have to love their innocence, or maybe it's my bad influence on them.

Here's the Gold Nugget: Minorities, don't get mad at white people when they confuse you with another fellow black or fellow Hispanic person. It's true, we all look alike. By the way my Asian friends, you're not exempt from this, you too, look alike.

Would somebody PLEASE hook a Brotha up?

2005-09-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

I'll make is short and simple. What does a Brotha have to do around here to get in some good commercials. As most of you know I live in a small town in Wisconsin. I haven't been subjected to much racism, just a few occasions where my mind goes into overdrive and digs the prejudice minds of small town America.

There aren't many minorities around here. The biggest minority group here are the Hmong people, then followed by blacks and then Hispanics.

I don't have cable so all I watch is local T.V. I noticed something the other day. First, there are NO commercials that have Asians (putting Hmongs in a big category) or Hispanics in it.

The lucky ones to have spots on local commercials are my African American brethren. But are they lucky? There have been about 3-4 occasion where blacks were featured in the commercials. The funny thing is that they're always in commercials for "Are you strapped for money, can't pay the rent until next month? Well Here at Fast Money we can help you out"

Aint that about a bitch. Can you give a brotha a break? I thought they got a break when I saw a black couple in a clothing commercial. Finally, a minority gets to represent right? Wrong. The commercial was for the local goodwill stores. There's nothing wrong with Good will, other that it only sells used clothing, but why can't they get a spot for Sears or even JC Penny. I'm not even asking for a spot for Marshall Fields, or one of the Boston Store affiliates. All am asking is the get a spot where it's not assumed that a brotha or sista needs that extra cash because they don't make enough money, or that they're so strapped for cash that they only shop at the local Good Will store. This commercial couldn't be father from the truth. A brotha may have a small house or apartment, and it may not be nice, but THEY ALWAYS dress nice because they always gotta look KRISPY.

Here's the other messed up thing. I have seen a commercial for a Mexican restaurant. This should tell you how white this town is. The Waiters and waitresses were white, even the two of the three cooks there was white. When I saw the commercial for the Restaurant, who do they show? The two white cooks and three fine white girls waitressing.

I thought for sure that Hispanics had a strong foothold in the waiter business, here white people managed to even take that away.

Here is a public announcement calling all Blacks, Asians, and Hispanics. Infiltrate every small town America. You know white girls love color. I say, in the wise words of King Richard the Third "If we can't kick them out, we'll breed them out." Maybe then we'll get to be in better commercials and be able to shop in finer clothing stores and always have money to pay the rent

Welcome to Miami, Bienvenidos a Miami.

2005-09-28T06:16:00.000-07:00

I love that Will Smith song, and that song takes me back to when we first got off the boat and into the paradise called AMERICA. Well it wasn't quite like this.

My family and I came to the US in a plane (no we did not swim from Bolivia to the US). My Dad wanted to live my brothers and I do have a good future here. When we first got to Miami, my father had one friend who rented an apartment for us and was waiting for us when we arrived.

My Dad's friend rented an apartment in the famous area called Little Havana in Miami. We lived in the middle of it, on 8th street (those not familiar there is a huge festival every year there and it's crazy).

We lived half a block from this monument (is that you Conneticut Brown Sugar?).

When we first got there, my dad's friend gave my brothers and I three warnings:

1. Don't talk to strangers

2. Don't go wondering around, because you'll get lost

3. Be careful of voodoo rituals in the neighborhood

The third warning is the reason for the post.

Right in front of our window there was a huge tree. If you haven't noticed some trees have markings on then and some are in the shape of an eye. The tree in front of our apartment had this marking in the shape of an eye, so the local voodoo doctor drew another eye next to the one that was already there. People made several offerings, and buried them at the foot of the tree. People would bury money and jewelry and part of the sacrifice is that they would kill chickens.

The people had a name for the tree, I don't remember the name they had but we'll call him JOBU (This is from the movie Major League, Cerrano's god. Freakinrican knows what I'm talking about, this is one of his favorite movies.)

Sometimes after someone made an offering (these were done in the middle of the night) they would yell "Don't take from Jobu or you will die," or something to that effect.

Here's the crazy part. One day our neighbor knocked on our door asking to borrow some money. We didn't give him any because first, we didn't have extra money laying around, and second, he was a drugie so even if we had money we wouldn't have given it to him. That same day, it was around Midnight I saw him walk in front of the tree. He was talking to the tree, I couldn't hear what he was saying but I could tell he was talking to it. I was 10 at the time and I didn't want to see the ritual, because I thought he was going to sacrifice something.

I later found out that someone else saw him there and he didn't make a sacrifice to Jobu, he stole from Jobu. Someone saw him run away with jewelry and money.

The next morning someone knocked on his door, and he didn't answer. Then the manager of the building opened his door and he wasn't there. I don't know why he did that but that's what happened.

I didn't think too much about it until I heard the manager talking to people about this guy. I overheard him say "he's gone and I don't think he's ever coming back. He stole from Jobu and who know what happened to him."

A month later the manager went into his apartment. Everything was still there, all his clothes, furniture, even all the stuff he had in storage in the basement. A lot of things could've happened; 1. He could've been deported (he was Cuban and many times this is what happened).

2. He took the money and ran like nobody's business

3. He got could've gotten arrested for stealing

4. The local voodoo doctor punished him somehow

5. The one everyone believed to be the answer was that Jobu made him disappear.

I don't know what happened because two days later after no one knew what happened to him my dad found a better place and we moved.

I'm a religious person, and I know not to mess with this stuff. It's real and if you mess with it you could get hurt.

I really don't doubt that something bad happened to him for stealing. I don't think the tree did anything to him but maybe the voodoo doctor did something to him.

The Goldnugget of the day is: if you play with fire, you're gonna get burned. If you mess with this YOU could end up like the neighbor we never saw again. YOU can be the next victim of JOBU.

Part Deuce - Keeping it Reeeeeal

2005-09-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

Homer reminded me of a funny story that happened my first year of Law School. I lived in a rougher part in Madison, mainly Hispanics and blacks. A good friend of mine lived in the next building, he was white and we'll call him Big Mike (because he was big and his name is Mike).

Any way, one day we're heading home in Madison's best public transportation, the bus. It's late and it's me and Big Mike in the back and 2 or 3 black dudes towards the front (isn't is supposed to be the other way around?). We're talkin about school and then some how we get talkin about stand up comedy and Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock.

We're talking about the shows and we start quoting parts from Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker. I say a few and then Big Mike decides to say, trying to imitate Chris Rock's voice and slang "Just trying to keep it Reeeeeeeal." Big Mike, in his excitement and feeble attempt at imitation, doesn't realize how loud he says it. He said it loud enough for the bus driver to look from his rearview mirror. The 2 or 3 black guys there turn around to look at Big Mike, with a look that said "Look at this white guy, what the hell does he think he's doing and who is he talking too?"

I did what any good friend would do. I looked at the opposite direction of where Big Mike was sitting and acted as if I didn't know him. He then notices that those guys are looking at him. In order to cover his ass, he belts out a nervous laugh and says (loud and lookin to the front, not looking at the guys) "Oh God I love Chris Rock, he's so funny."

I just shake my head, laugh and give him a look that says "Oh white boy, what have you done."
We got out of the bus, he got a weird look from one of the guys again and we left. He then looks at me, and with that nervous laugh asks me "was I that loud?" I say "Big Mike, you were loud enough for Chris Rock himself to have heard you."

Shout out to Big Mike and all the white wanna be Chris Rocks'.

Keeping it Reeeeeeeeeal

2005-09-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

Did anyone happen to catch the tonight show yesterday? Well if you didn't you missed a good one.

I like Chris Rock because everytime he says something, he laughs about it but it is something that is closer to the truth than any of us would dare say.

Chris (look at me, I talk about him as if he's my best friend) starts talking about the Hurricane and black people.

One of the things he said was, and the quote may not be exact but you'll get the point: "I'm proud of black people, the Hurricane tells you how strong black people are. White people aren't as tough, you know why don't see white people on the news, cuz they either ran away or they died, and Black people survived around water, and we don't take well to water" The last part was tough for the crowd to swallow, they laughed a bit but not a lot because, although it was funny, just the situation itself is nothing to laugh about. No one wants to laugh at the death of others.

In the same segment he said the following "You know all the people that didn't vote for Bush, they were the ones left up in the roof tops. Damn man, I'm surprised he didn't blast them away, you know he could've done it!"

How is that for truth. He may not say it in a politically correct way, but calls it as he sees it. That's the great thing about comedy, if you're a good comedian and you say something that others wouldn't but you can still laugh about it, the point made really sticks to you.

I guess I like this kind of humor, that and watching people hurt themselves, although I have cooled down a bit from the latter because of Karma.

Anyway the gold nugget is this: If you got something to say that is a bit edgy throw in a funny twist it may help you, if anything else just quote Chris Rock and even white people will get away with saying something racist.

Fatherhood

2005-09-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

This post may be a bit cheezy but for some reason I feel like writing about it.

I was home this weekend and my wife gave me one of the best compliments I've heard in a while.

We were sitting together in the couch looking at TV and there was this furniture commercial on TV, and at the same time we were looking through the new Pottery Barn catalog.

She looked at me and said "You're such a father." What does this mean and what prompted this comment? Let me tell you.

When we were looking at the TV there was this commercial from Ashley Furniture and there was a really nice sectional with end tables. My wife says "that would look good here." My response was "Nah, we can't get that because the corners look too sharp on the end tables and the girls could get hurt."

Then while we were looking through the catalog my wife points out to this shelving unit and says "how cool would it be to have that in the kitchen." My response was "Nah, we can't get that, the girls would climb that and then all that stuff will fall on top of them."

To complete the trifecta we looked at the TV again and saw a commercial for some dolls. My wife says "I think the girls would like that, they're getting to the point to play with that stuff." My response "Nah, we can't get that. Did you see the size of those accessories? They could choke on that stuff, that looks unsafe to be advertised for kids from 2-8"

That's when my wife looked at me and said "You're such a dad." I don't think my wife meant it as a compliment but for some reason it felt like a compliment. It's funny how fatherhood changes you and it takes things like these to make you stop and see how much you've really changed.

Long live the game

2005-09-15T07:23:00.000-07:00

GTA does not mean Grand Tourismo Auto (right papI?) It actually means Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. This is not a review of the game but how it affected my law school performance and perhaps that of Homer's.

I love playing video games, but I am more into sports video games like FIFA, Madden and the like. When San Andreas came out, Homer heard all the great reviews and wanted in some of the hype. So I brought my playstation to his place and we rented the game to see how it was. We rented the game in December of our third year, as if we needed distraction before finals.

I played the first GTA and wasn't a fan and I didn't think I would be for this one either. We started playing and it was interesting, then it progressed to funny, then exiting then obsessive.

How obsessive you ask? It became to the point that I was crashing at Homer's place 3 times a week because we would play the game from 8 to midnight and most times even later. We took turns solving the missions. When we failed we started again and again until the mission was accomplished. During lunch times most of our conversations were no longer things like "did u get what Bush v. Gore has to do with the Schiavo case?", it was more like "when you approach the ballas turf what weapon do you use for CJ," or "Make sure that when you make the turn by the pizza joint you have the SMG ready to fire at the ballas." Pretty pathetic right? It got worse. At times we would skip class just we could be a mission. It gets worse.

After playing the game so much, I think we started thinking like the main character Carl Johnson (CJ). Homer and I would be walking outside and see a bike unchained and jokingly we would say something like "hey we should steal that, we'd get to class quicker." One time there was a armored truck parked outside Homer's house and we said to each other "bazooka would take that truck right out."

I'm telling you the game was obsessive. A lot of the missions interesting and exiting and others were just plain dumb and long. We discussed strategy during class. We inquired info from other fellow GTArs. More importantly we consulted the geniuses of the internet that had hints on beating the game.

Then came exam time. The hours spent studying decreased and the hours spent playing increased. I was hopping for a successful semester grade wise. It wasn't, but at least we conquered all of the Ballas (rival gang) territory, and we knew when to use the AK-47 and an SMG.

We talked about it during class, during lunch and online. How nerdy right? We had no control over this. It took over our lives and the only thing we wanted was for CJ to have his revenge against Ryder (Eazy E look a like) and save his brother Sweet.

Oh how sad it is. This reminds me of a funny story. Homer and I were talking about the game in the phone when I was home. Some background; CJ's girl in some scenes was this annoying ass Bitch name Catalina. She was bossy, bitchy and annoying, like most girls only she had a really annoying voice (just kidding ladies). Homer and I were talking about Catalina when my wife walks in and asks "who's Catalina." I didn't want to tell her who she was because she didn't know how much time we actually spent playing this game (I hope she doesn't read this post, otherwise I'm fucked). I tell her "Oh Homer met this chick at the bar, her name is Catalina and he liked her at first, but is now starting to annoy him." I describe Catalina just as she is in the game. She buys it, I'm home free.

The game took us into second semester of third year. Freakinrican will attest as to how often we talked about it and how annoying it was, and how nerdy we sounded.

It was a sad day when we completed the game. All the highfives were gone (we did this after completing every mission and getting "Respect") no more screaming "RIGHT ANALOG" (it took us a while to figure out what this was, but when we found out, we were unstoppable) and no more booty calls with Catalina. After the game was finished life didn't have much of an importance, we were left with nothing to accomplish. The neon lights in the street lost it's meaning, we didn't want to steal bikes or cars anymore, and we stopped scheming how to steal that armored truck. I miss those days

I think that is as much as I will bore you with the obsession of GTA. By the way, I did really bad that semester and the one after that, but by then I had a job lined up and didn't worry too much about it.

LONG LIVE CJ and GROVE STREET

"The Man" did it to me again.

2005-09-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since something like this happened to me.

Two weeks ago my wife and I decided to sell our baby's clothes. I went to a place called "once upon a child." They buy and sell used kids clothes. We figured we'd get good money considering we had a lot of it, most of it was in really good shape and most of the clothes was name brand clothing. I went there dressed as follows (I mention this because I'm covering my bases as to what set it off): I had a yellow Ralph Lauren T-shirt Ralph Lauren Cargo pants and Diesel shoes.

I go the store and tell the lady, very politely "Miss (the bitch was fat and older), I would like to sell these clothes." From this point on she will be known as the Fat Bitch, or FB for short.
FB "sure, name, number and I'll let you know in 20 minutes."
me "OK, thank you and see you in 20 minutes."

I walk around a bit go outside go to Blockbuster and check out the new releases. 20 minutes pass and I go back to the place.

Me "Miss, are the clothes ready?"
FB "yes, this is how much we'll give you for the clothes" Shows me a ticket for $1.50.
me "$1.50 for all that? I think I'll just take it back."
FB "OK, but just so you know we were only going to buy these two items." She shows me two items of clothing that still had the tags on them, they were brand new.
me "oh, well, like I said I think I'll just take the clothes back."
FB gives me a weird look and says "ok."

I don't think too much about it, just surprised we didn't get more. I go back home and tell the wife. She is also very surprised and jokingly says "well maybe they didn't take it because you're Hispanic." At that moment I think and say, ala Jerry Seinfeld to Newman "Fat Bitch."

It's time to think what to do. We decided that my wife would take clothes this weekend and see what happens. Maybe out clothes is not as nice as I thought they were. We decided on my wife taking it for two reasons. See if the Fat Bitch denies her and many have said that my wife looks more Italian than Hispanic. So we decided to test it this weekend past.

I dropped my wife off at the front, just in case the Fat Bitch remembered. She goes in drops off the clothes and we leave. We come back in 20 minutes and we both go inside. The FB is not there, instead it's two young girls. They comment on how beautiful our daughters are and tell us that they're Buying almost all of it and giving us good money for it too.

Apparently the process is that the employee's call in to their regional office and then they tell them what to buy. I think the FB never called it in. I think she saw me and automatically decided not to buy it.

We leave the place, and at this point I'm pissed. I feel like beating up the next white guy that passes by. Now don't say shit, I really wouldn't beat anybody up, but just saying how pissed I was.

Maybe I'm overreacting, Does anyone else think this is a sort of racism? Obviously a lot more went on but the fact is this. Lady sees me, doesn't buy clothes, Lady sees my wife and buys clothes. WHAT THE FUCK. I feel like suing the place, but who knows, maybe I should say something about it so I give them bad publicity.

Some people reading this may think that I'm just playing the race card. Maybe so, but if not racist motivation here then what. Or if I'm right and should do something let me know.

Going down Hill

2005-09-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going to need some corroborating stories after this post. I was talking to a friend of mine last week about how time flies and how old we felt after talking about the glory days. Then, the Rican had a post about old school jams, and that got me thinking about today's post.

I remember turning 25, aaaaaahhhhhh the great days. Some people told that when I reach 25 I would feel old, but that was not the case. For some reason to me that felt like the perfect age. I wasn't too old to hang out with the college crowd and not young to hang with the professionals (30 somethings).

At that time I was in fairly good shape, went to dance clubs a lot and played soccer regularly. I drove a green Honda civic that was new at the time and was a nice ride. It was fast, had a good stereo system and had nice rims. Anyway, I really felt cool (I dare not say hip, see previous post), and mature.

Then I hit 26 and for some reason I felt old as hell. What the hell happened!!! All of a sudden, my car didn't seem that cool, I felt old around the college crowd and I certainly wasn't up to date with the latest songs and slang. I Suddenly became disconnected from everything I knew to be cool. I felt old in dance clubs (I don't feel like that anymore about dance clubs, but since it's been a while since I go to one I dare not step on the dance floor, unless is Latin dancing and then I have no shame of my skills) .

Luckily around that time I was in Law School and a lot of my friends are a lot younger than me, and hanging with them didn't make me feel as old.

Fellow bloggers, what was the age that hit you the hardest. Like I said, for me it was 26, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Gone too far?

2005-09-07T13:52:00.000-07:00

Some may think this inappropriate, but it's my blog and I'll do and write what I want.

Lets proceed.

Everyone has done things that maybe regretted later. I'm talking about sex stuff one regrets. Whether is doing something with an ugly ass girl/guy or having sex in a place they shouldn't have.

One of the things I regret was getting a blow job in the back of a restaurant. I wont go into details because they're inconsequential to the post (at least that's my excuse). Long story short (ala Homer), I was drunk, she was drunk, I kissed her, she kissed me, I asked for a blow job, she gave the blow job and went back to eat.

For some that may be too much info and may think it was inappropriate to do. But when you're 20 and horny not much matters.

The following story is the top of all the things I've been around that I think is going too far.
I was in High school, I think I might have been a junior or a sophomore. There was this chick who had transferred from a school in the city (I went to a suburban school, yes I bussed it from the city to the suburb). From what I remember she was white, skinny and ugly.
I was in class and a friend of mine comes in and tells me "dude, there's a line to go to the guys bathroom. When do you ever see a line to the guys bathroom."
I say "that is weird." So in my highschool curiosity I look outside and I don't see a line. I think to myself "did something happen like someone got into a fight or something?"

What happened I could not have guessed it in a million years. Apparently this new chick got busted for giving blow jobs in the boys bathroom. I don't know what is worse, for the girl to be giving that many blow jobs or to be the last guy on the line. Bottom line, the girl got expelled and some of the guys got suspended .

Some girls may say, that's bull shit why does the girl get kicked out and all the boys get is a suspension. Can you imagine your parents getting a call from the principal saying "I hate to tell you Karen but Jonnie has been suspended for (clear his throat)inappropriate conduct, he got his dick sucked by a girl." I know my parents would literally kill me if they got that call. I digress.

That's not even the worse part of the story. Apparently she went to the rival school were she also got kicked out for giving blow jobs, this time somewhere near the lunch room. I can't say for sure that this is true, but if a girl gives 10 blow jobs in one sitting, she's bound to do it again.

I knew one of the guys that got the blow job, he was happy recipient number 3. A few days later he went home for having a burning sensation when peeing. Hummmm, I wonder why he got that.

Here's a gold nugget to the guys - If you meet a girl that has the nickname blow job Betty, chances are that it's the same chick from highschool, and chances are that if you get some from her, you will also have a burning sensation everytime you pee. Bottom line, don't do anything with a girl that has a nickname like Blow Job Betty, or a similar nickname.

Vehicle of choice

2005-09-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

I went back to Milwaukee this weekend and I had to drive around the Hispanic ghetto. Coincidentally the Hispanic ghetto is right next to the black ghetto and right above both the Hispanic and black ghetto is the Asian ghetto (surprise, surprise, do you think the government planned this?).

Anyway as I was driving trough this area I had stop and look at what these people were driving, it's funny but certain cars are associated with certain people. Let the stereotypes begin:

Puerto Ricans - They LOVE Toyota. I don't know why, but every PR I've known has or has owned a Toyota. Maybe Mr. Toyota married Ms. Diaz (I know 7 girls with this last name that aren't related so I picked this as the common PR last name). What ever the reason, you will not find a PR with out this car. If they can't find a suitable Toyota then Honda will do. The car is usually beat up and if it's new it's probably stolen.

Mexicans - Chevy is their first love and if this doesn't do it then Ford definitely does. Mexicans love American cars. You ask why? The reason for this is that American cars are BIG, and they need to pack every single family member in one car. There's a reason why Mexican travel in packs (in one car), it's most likely their immediate family, but in case their immediate family is small, they'll pack cousins and uncles if they have to. Just so they can fill the space of their Chevy (pronounced like the actor Chevy Chase). The car is old and if new then it's probably Stolen.

Blacks - Cadillac. Most of the time is a busted ass Cadillac. They like it because Cadillac is a luxury car and a busted ass Cadillac is a luxury as they'll get. They also like big cars so they can put "Big Mama" in it and all bebe's kids. And if the Cadi is new, it's probably stolen.

Asians - They stick to their own. They only drive Toyota, Honda, Kia and Nissan. They like these cars because their small, compact and fast. They don't need a big car because they're small and want to be able to see over the steering wheel. Asians have money so it's not surprising to see then driving a new car.

I gotta tell you, with the other races they have very seldom been in other cars, but I have never seen an Asian on anything else but an Asian car. If they want luxury then they go with Lexus or Infinity.

Jews - I don't know the reasons why, but whenever I drove through the predominately Jew neighborhood it was always a Lincoln (continental or LS) or a Mercedes Benz. I'll let Homer explain that on his blog. My guess is that since they're all doctors, lawyers or bankers, they can afford these rather expensive vehicles. And, if the car is old then they're not Jewish.

Rednecks - Only American. They wouldn't be rednecks if they drove anything else. It's usually a pickup truck and it's usually not newer than an '89. It usually has junk on the back, and it's stuff that at some point they will decorate their house with (or should I say trailer). They don't keep their cars new so, even if it's a "newer" model, it looks like shit because of the junk in the back.

How far is too far.

2005-09-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

Aight. As I mentioned in the past I just started bloggin about two months ago. Prior to this I would make fun of Homer and freakinrican about it. I would call them nerds, PCG's (popcorn geeks, that is a geeky term on its own) and anything else I could think of.

I was then convinced by Homer that I should start one just for the hell of it. After much debating and peer pressure, I decided to enter the world of blogging.

I gotta tell you, it became addicting right off the bat. I really got into it after I had some people comment on my posts. Holy shit!! Others like what I have to say. A friend of mine once said "you gotta be full of yourself if you think others want to hear stories about a complete stranger and like them." My response to him was "don't hate nigga, cuz I know you gotta blog too and no one comments on yours." That is one of the meanest things you can say to a fellow blogger. Comments make this really worth it.

I often pressure others to comment, and I'll leave comments on other's blog just so they can comment on mine, or I'll even do something as desperate as tell them "good story, check my blog out and don't forget to comment." If that's not reaching out for help I don't know what is.

Anyway, where do you draw the line about blogging. The following story is, I think, where I would draw the line. Homer and freakinrican were at a party this past weekend. They drank, talked, flirted and laughed. All normal so far. They also went into a conversation about blogging. That did it for me. If I'm at a party I don't think I would talk about blogging. I would try to avoid it. It's one thing to say
me "did you see my new post"
other person "no"
me "check it out, you'll like it"
other person "ok"

and leave it at that, but to engage in a long conversation about it seems excessive.
The goldnugget is: learn where to draw the line. Homer and freakinrican are cool people, and something like this could damage their image. If you're in a room full of computer nerds then the conversation may be warranted. But if there's tons of hot chick around and the possibility of some play, refuse to drag yourself down that road.

I'm married and so is the rican, so I guess for us trying to get some play is out of the question, but I tell you this, I will not bring myself to where I'm so obsessed with this, that I would bring it to a party.

Many will tell me I'm wrong. That's cool and if your right is there a way to stop this madness called blogging? This is coming from the guy who repeatedly wants comments, comments and spends an hour each day hitting the button that says "next blog," in hopes to find some one like the nugget.

Stupid Hypothetical/Disturbing commercial

2005-09-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

Here's another disturbing commercial. Have you guys watched the Mountain Dew commercial where the two friends are by a Dew machine and one of them turns around and clicks the alarm for his car and his friend says "why do you lock that thing?" He then clicks it again and he starts changing cars. He then turns to his friend and changes him to a hot chick.

This is the stupid hypo and disturbing part of the commercial. The chick is HOT not doubt about that. BUT who in their right mind would do anything with a chick that just moments ago was his friend. If that were me, everytime we had sex, I wouldn't think about the hot chick, I would think "damn this is nasty, this is my guy friend." At that point I don't think it would even get to sex. Maybe this is just me again, but think about it guys (I don't say girls because maybe girls wouldn't find it as disturbing if they knew the guy really is a girl, or maybe it's me that thinking "hey that chick is doing it with a chick, now that's hot").

But seriously people there has to be someone out there that feels the same way maybe freakinrican wouldn't because when it comes to that he would do it with anything that breathes (Sorry papi, I couldn't help it).

Someone out there, PLEASE ADVICE!!!

I was really tempted in putting another picture here, but I refrained from it because I don't want to take away the effect of the pic in the future.

My 2 firsts as a Lawyer

2005-08-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

Finally I see the fruits of my labor after 2 months of working on files and working on cases that will take a long time.

My 1st first.
Last week Friday, I settled my first case. Of course I can't give the details of it but I can say this; Had I gone to the hearing and won, the only thing we would've recovered is our expenses. However, after a lot of negotiations we settled on something that not only our client has money in his pocket but our firm does as well. It may not be a significant amount but a victory nonetheless. I gotta admit, it was easy dealing with all parties this time, and I know it will get harder in the future. But a settlement is good to have in the belt. It will give me confidence and familiarity with this area of lawyering.

My 2nd first.
I went to my first hearing today. I would like to tell you that it was a heated battle between two well versed lawyers. I would also like to tell you that I shredded the other side to the point that they ran giving me and my client all the money we asked for and then some. In reality it was neither (to those of you who know me well, telling the truth is rather hard for me, and I love to embellish the truth. However, I have new found truthfulness via blogging and have to say is rather therapeutic. Indeed blogging has made me a better person. WOW what a nerd I am). Anyway, this was an unemployment insurance hearing. The other side never showed up and all I had to do was ask my client the questions. I successfully answered all the judges questions (which were, state your name, your position in the matter and if I would like a Jr. Mint (yes this is true and I wanted to laugh because it was like that Seinfeld episode where Kramer offers Jerry a Jr. Mint and ends up falling in the open cut of Elaine's boyfriend).

Simple enough right? Right, but it made me a lot more comfortable as far as asking my client questions, following up on items asked by the judge (the judge asked tons of questions, which made me feel good because a lot of the questions I wanted to ask he asked, which meant that I was doing something right). The biggest compliment I got came from my client. Of course he doesn't know any better but he said "thanks for making this really easy, we were well prepared and thanks to you I can sleep a little better tonight knowing I got some money coming to me." The truth is that it went well, but the judge still has to make that determination (my cocky side says "you nailed it nigga, holla at a brotha, cuz I fin get some fees outa this one.")

I got a similar compliment from the client whose case I just settled, so far my theme continues, (if you read a previous blog of my it is going from)
First it used to be - Damn it feels good to be a Gangsta (geto boys for those who don't recognize)
Then it went to - Damn it feels good to be a blogger (I just started blogging, and I like it)
Now it's - Damn it feels good to be a lawyer (in lieu of my recent accomplishments)

We'll see what the next "Damn it feels good to be a ____" says.

Grocery store

2005-08-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

I was waiting in line at the grocery store waiting to pay for my items. As I was waiting there, there was this dude in front of me looking at a magazine. There was probably two people in front of him, so he had some time until his check out.

At this point all I can see is the back of his head, but he then turns to the side so I could see the left side of his face. I saw him and noticed something that I have never seen in a grocery store line. This guy was so fixated on the pictures (half naked girl) that I could see some drool on the side of his lip. It's not like I was staring so hard that I could see it, but when he turned there was a bit of a glare from the lights of his spit that made me look.

I look at the magazine and he's looking at the latest edition of Maxim. I have never seen this, this buy looked like he was gonna blow a load right there and then.

So I did what anyone else would've done. I said "hey man" "must be a nice pic of the girl in the cover"
He gives me this weird look as if to say "it's none of your business."

I was trying to be funny with this guy but apparently he got pissed off. He turns around and mumble something.

I, like the badass that I am, I say "Did u say something man?" (I don't know what's wrong with me, normally I wouldn't say anything but as of late I've been a lot more confrontational than I would like to be) I started getting really pissed and felt like throwing right there. But, I asked him again what he said, and my tone was bit more forceful if you will. He then says something that I couldn't understand, so I say "what the hell man if you got something to say, say it in my face."
He responds (really slow and in a sarcastic tone) "I s-a-I-d Nina Kaczorowski"
And I say "what?"
he says "you asked me who the girl was and I just told you who, and by the way thanks for making me look like a pervert in front of these people.

Then I realized that the people infront of us were looking and the cashier had the phone in her hand as if ready to call security.

Man did I feel like an ass. Not to mention that since I'm like 1 out of 10 Hispanics in this city, I'm sure I didn't do anything to help our image.

Not only did I made myself look like an ass but I also made the guy infront of me look like a pervert.

It's not my fault that guy was drooling, this would have never happened had he just read the magazine at home and do what he has to do behind doors. Still don't you find this disgusting for someone to be drooling in front of you? That guy should've gotten a beat down just for that.

If you wanna look at magazines and look at the girls there, do it. I don't have a problem with that. Just don't drool like that.

Oh well so much for starting the weekend on a good note.

Rules are Rules

2005-08-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by Superican so i should follow the rules. Here they are:

List ten songs you are currently digging....it doesn't matter what genre, or if they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists and the tens songs on your Blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

The ten songs that I am currently listening to are.....

1. Autenticos decadentes - Los Piratas
2. La Mosca - Te quiero comer la boca
3. El Gran Silencio - Chuntaro Style
4. Bob Dylan - Hurricane
5. Frank Sinatra - Strangers in the night
6. Sanatana - Love you much too much
7. BEP - Shut up
8. Getto Boys - damn it feels good to be a gangsta
9. Gangstarr - step up
10. Stevie Wonder - Superstition

There You have it......................

Now I will Tag:

Homer
The Rican
El Gringo-Hispano-Chardrian
The Talented Ms. Mokri
Last but not least my Q-Negro

TV commercials

2005-08-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

This post might be a bit weird but hey that's what this is for.
Have you seen that Pepsi commercial with the guy on the maze, he finds the pizza and then finds the Pepsi? At the end they show the guy in the maze and mice in lab coats.

I don't know why but I find this commercial so fuckin disturbing. I really can't tell you why, maybe it's the idea of someone else putting me in a maze and controlling my life. Maybe it's that deep inside I have a real fear of mice, or that I find the Lab coats on the mice extremely disturbing.

Let me explain a bit. By disturbing I don't mean scared or really frightened. I just get this weird feeling, almost like heartburn or butterflies in my stomach.

I mentioned this to my wife and of course she laughed at me. She said "seriously, I realize how much I don't know about you when you pull this stuff." Thanks for being supportive. I laugh at myself at this reaction. It's just a weird thing, but the more I see the commercial the more disturbed I get. Does anyone out there feel the same way about this? Is it just me (which it most likely is)?

It also seems that in my posts I'm diverting to asking questions as opposed to posting Gold nuggets. Lets not forget that within my stories there lies gold nuggets. hahahaha. Ever since I started blogging it seems that I'm getting weirder and weirder. Thanks Homer. Also, thanks Rican for making me more blog literate (you are also responsible for me getting weird).

"Sorry, I didn't recognize my son"

2005-08-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

Aight, what the fuck!!! I don't know how to insert this so I'll do it this way.
Have you guys read or heard this story about this so called guy "Piano Man?" Read the story, if not here is a quick breakdown. Guy appears wet on a beach in England, doesn't remember shit, doesn't talk to the doctors or anyone, but happens to play a mean piano. Here is the part that worries me.

The father of this guy, in an interview, said that "he would not have recognized him in any case because he had known him at home clean shaven and wearing glasses." Maybe I don't know the whole story between the father and this piano man, maybe PM left home when he was young, or maybe his father is too old to know any better. But, who in the fuck says that he didn't recognize his son because he used to wear glasses and was clean shaven. It's his fuckin son, why in the hell would he not recognize him. I know he said that he didn't read the newspapers and didn't watch the news. He also said that even if he did he wouldn't have recognized him anyway.

I don't know about you but I would know what my son looked like. Shit, people I haven't seen since grade school recognize me and I'm 5 times the size I used to be. If there is someone out there that knows more about this please enlighten me. I just don't get this at all. It's not like his son went incognegro and shaved his head, wore a fake nose, changed his complexion. And by the way did you see his beard/mustache whatever he had? It was like morning shadow. It's not as he he looked like grizzly Adams or one of the guys from ZZ Top. It was an inch long at best.

And, What kind of glasses did he wear at home that made him look so different. Did he wear those huge sunglasses Nicole Richie wears or the ones Lindsey Lohan wears where the sunglasses basically cover their whole face? Or did he look like the guy pictured here.

I'm trying to make sense of this story. I didn't hear anything about reporting his son missing. Maybe they had an estranged relationship and didn't talk since he left home. Again I'm trying to make sense of this but so far I can't.

Maybe I'm being a bit to harsh on the dad, but hey that's what he gets for making those comments.

Part II of "Who says that"

2005-08-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

To get the rest of this story please read the previous one.
If you remember, the girl's name I'm using here is Sophia.
When I got back to Milwaukee, the first thing I did was call Sophia. I know, some of you may be saying "hey you didn't wait the three days to call her" or "calling her that quickly is a sign of desperation." First, who invented the 3 day rule. I understand there could be many reason as to why wait 3 days to call a girl. What I want to know is the reason that made it the rule, what was the hay that broke the camel's back. If anyone knows, please advice. Second, I was a bit desperate, this girl was fine and I was hadn't had some play in about a month, maybe more.

Anyway, I call Sophia when I get there, I was really hoping the number she had given me wasn't to a Chinese take out place, or the "singles" phone line. To my relief it was her cell number in Chicago. Again, a while back I wrote about having a list of things to talk about when you first call a girl you just met. In this case I didn't have a list of things to talk about because I had just gotten home from the 5 hour drive from Iowa.

She answered and I have to admit she sounded surprised I called her this quick.
I say "Hey Sophia, just calling to say hi and making sure you didn't give me a fake number"
She says "Wow, I'm really surprised you called me this quickly, usually guys wait at least 3 days to call me"
I say "really? I guess some guys are arrogant enough to wait that long and not realize that a fine girl like yourself can get snatched by anyone right away." How cheesy is this line.
She says "if other guys use the lines your using on me, I don't think you have to worry about me being snatched up, and by the way, no one snatches me up, I snatch guys up." BURN, number 15 I think, maybe higher. At this point I think she's gonna hang up on me, my face is red and I'm stumbling to find some words to say. She was gracious enough to say "Just kidding, but really I hope your just being charming and not serious with those lines"
I say "Of course, it's part of my charm, and I'm not using those line to get to bed with you"
she says "nothing you say will get me to bed with you, it's what you do not what you say that will determine that."

seriously, at this point I really don't know what to say. She saves the conversation and not let it get to the awkward silence and says "So, when are you coming to visit me"
I say "I'll hop on my car right now if you want me to"

Lets think about what's happening here. At first I thought I was in control of the situation, I'm thinking, yeah this girl is way into me. However, at this point and with that last answer I realize, this girl has me by the balls. I'm acting way to desperate and try to track back and say "Just kidding, I'm not busy two weekends from now, I can go then"
she says "That's too bad, if you were serious about coming now, I definitely would've made it worth your while" Damn, this girl has the upper hand on me the whole time and every answer I get leaves me speechless and acting like a dumbass. But I resist to back track once again and say "Oh well, but if you really want me to go there I guess I can try, let me call you back in an hour"
she says ok and we hang up.

I get home and the first thing I do is pack my bags as quickly as I can, if you would've seen me you would've thought that immigration was at my door and I was on my way to the next city. I pack, get my shit ready and I'm out the door. This is about 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday. I figured I would get there by 4 or 5 and have plenty of things to do. As I get to the freeway, I call her and tell her I'm on my way. She says "oh really, cuz I just made other plans and will be busy this weekend." I really felt like a fool now, and I told my self, that's it I'm not calling this girl anymore and I'm sure as hell not going there, but just as I'm thinking this and about to say something stupid, she says "Just kidding I'll be waiting"

I get there, park my car, knock on her door and she gives me the biggest, longest kiss any had girl had given me up to that point. I was so shocked, I felt like a marine (no disrespect superican) that was in war for two years and just got home to see my wife. When I went inside, she made some snacks and told me we were gonna have a good weekend.

First, we went to Michigan avenue, that will be the shopping area for those not familiar with the chitown area. She asked me if I brought any dress clothes, to which I said no, I packed so quickly I even forgot to pack underwear for the next day. She bought me a pair of pants and a shirt, and I bought some shoes at the Kenneth Cole store, I figured I needed a pair anyway (oh yeah, she bought me underwear and socks as well).
After some shopping we went back to her place, got ready (by the way I didn't have any idea as to what we were gonna do that day, but she had the whole day planned) and she just told me to drive and that's it. We went to the Hispanic area (by the way on the way there we went through Cabriney Green (sp?), which are some fucked up ass projects. I think the worst in the area, she told me this"Ok we're gonna go through a rough area, but we're really running late and that's the quickest way to get there. When you see the projects on your right hand side, there will be four stop lights from the beginning to the end of the projects, don't stop for any of those lights, pass right through then, and don't worry about getting pulled over for passing lights, there aren't cops around here at this time. OH SHIT, where the fuck is she taking me, remember at that time I had no idea where we were going. We passed it with no problem, but there could've been some problems. I had a Honda Civic (low to the ground) and there were so many pot holes, and they were so huge that I thought for sure I would mess something up on the car and would have to stop. Luckily no problems and made it to the play on time.

The play was in spanish and kind of weird, but it was a local production that a friend of hers was in. The play is over, she introduces me to her friends, for which I get the ok from. Then we go to eat. We drive for a while and we get to Little Italy, and eat the best Fettuccini Alfredo I have ever eaten. She made reservations to this place and we still had to wait for 2 hours to get in. But it was worth while, we saw a few of the Bulls players there and some from the other team they were playing, I can't remember who it was.

Dinner is great, we get done, we go to a club, do some dancing to burn of the calories, we get to her place at about 4 and then comes the best part.

NO we did not have sex, as in actual intercourse, but we did other things. I gotta tell you, what she did that night was the best and most erotic thing I have experienced. Of course to some I'm probably leaving out the best details, but believe me when I say this, sex would've ruined what I experienced that night. It was so sensual and so erotic that (I'm getting hot just thinking about it) to the day I can't forget it or thinking about it and wishing I could do it again.

Some of the fellas are probably thinking "what a puss, who talks about sensual and erotic and not care about sex" Believe me it was something that was better than sex.

The next day we woke up at 11, she made brunch. I was really speechless and didn't know what to say and we both sat there just relaxed and the silence wasn't awkward. When we were done she helped me pack the rest of my stuff, we went to the Bulls game in the afternoon (we had really good seats). When the game was over I took her home and I drove back home. On my way out the door I got the same big, long kiss I had gotten in the beginning.

For me, this was probably the best "date" I ever went on. It was something that was so nice, spontaneous that I can't forget it.

Anyway, I called her a couple of times, we talke but eventually it stopped and haven't talked to her since. I always wonder where she's at or what she's doing. What a night that was.

This isn't a story you would expect from the nugget, but I think writing about it, makes it good and I can leave it in the past.

Who says this?

2005-08-19T12:34:00.000-07:00

I was in undergrad and I went to a convention to Iowa for minority students interested in going to law school. I met this girl there who was cool as hell. We hit it off pretty much from the first minute(this was a two day conference). I was right behind her in the registration line and she looked good from behind (which means she had a really nice ass).

As bold as I could be I said to her "where u from." (I know right, very creative)
She says "Chicago - Loyola, you?
Me "Marquette University. Are you here with a group or by yourself"(I know, I know, it already sounds creepy, like I'm gona follow her if she's alone) Anyway we keep talking and so it happens that we have a lot in common. We both like the Bears, we both wanna go to lawschool and we're both hispanic. I'm thinking I'm money. Well after the first seminar we sit together for lunch. She completely ignores me and just talks to the guy next to me.

I gotta give that dude credit, he was as smooth as me.
He started the conversation like this. "so, where you from?" "What school do you go to?"
I think the girl and him had almost the same conversation I had with her earlier. At this point I say to myself "oh well, so much for thinkin I was money"
Just as I'm thinking that she turns to me and rolls her eyes and whispers in close to my ear "can you get me out of here? This guy is driving me nuts with his small talk, even though it was almost the same conversation I had with her.

We go to the next seminar after that the day is over and we can do what we want. I get her number and tell her I will call her later to go out. My dumbass looses her number. I don't call her and we were gonna go to a party that was thrown by the Latino law students from Iowa.

I'm like, oh man this girl isn't gonna talk to me tomorrow. So my friends and I go this party. We're dancing salsa and merengue. I asked this girl to dance and just as I'm spinning this girl and her ass is right in front of me, and I'm ready to grind, who walks in? I look and see her looking at me. I in return spin the girl as fast as I can and kind of push her to the side, as if I didn't wanna dance with her. This other girl gave me a dirty ass look, but just moved on and found a different partner.

I go by this girl (I'll call her Maria Guadalupe Santos Ramiro de la Vega, just kidding, I'll call her Sophia) Sophia looks at me, as a girlfriend would, and says "first you don't call me, now your with a different girls, was this the plan for you?" I try to explain that I lost it, but she's already mad and proceeds "didn't took you too long to find another girl, did u use the smooth lines u used on me?" ouch, she says this very sarcastically.

She ignores me the rest of the night. As the party is winding down, I attempt to talk to her one more time. I apologize, she accepts and we keep talkin the rest of the night. The next few lines are very embarrassing and have never shared with anyone, including my brothers, and I tell them all the stupid shit I do.

We're talkin outside some restaurant and the background music is Sinatra "Strangers in the night" Since I'm so smooth I tell her "u know here we are in this bench enjoying the night, listening to Sinatra, and indeed we are strangers in the night." I proceed in singing (and anyone who knows me knows I can't sing worth shit) not singing loud but softly. This is very embarrassing.

As the song is ending she looks at me and smiles at me. I think the smile was supposed to be laughter as to what I just had done. Anyway, as if that wasn't enough I say to her "wanna come to my hotel room?" She looks at me and says "why, so you can tell your buddies you had sex with me?" ala Ashton Kutcher in that 70's Show, BURN
Again as if that wasn't enough I say "No, I don't wanna have sex with you, I just wanna lay in bed naked next to you, there's nothing more beautiful like the sight and feel of beautiful girl's naked body."

WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT. I can't believe I just said that. I still laugh every time I remember that.

In the end, we call it a night, she gives me a kiss on the cheek and says "see you tomorrow"
I went to my room, and when I got there I realized all the shit I did that night and what a fool she thought I was.
Long story short, we saw each other the next day and exchanged numbers, again.
I visited her once in Chicago, where I had one of the best days ever. But that's for a different post.

Little city v. Big City

2005-08-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I recently moved to a small city in Wisconsin. I used to like in Milwaukee, which is the big city in Wisconsin. What a difference in life between the two.

Little City (LC herein after)
1. Everyone says hi when passing by
Big City (BC herein after)
1. Everyone gives you the finger when passing by

LC
2. Everyone does volunteer work
BC
2. No one volunteers to work

LC
3. Bad drivers (old people)
BC
3. Bad drivers (mean old people and young punks

LC
4. I drop my jacket and someone picks it up
BC
4. I drop a jacket and it gets stolen

On number 4 I once dropped my Syracuse jacket, someone noticed it still had the
tags on it, got a gun pulled on me and he took the jacket.

LC
5. Full service gas stations
BC
5. Gas stations that don't serve shit (including gas)

LC
6. People burning leaves
BC
6. People burning cars

LC
7. Groups of old people in the one mall
BC
7. Groups of thugs in all the malls

LC
8. People gather for food at the one MCDs
BC
8. People gather to fight at the local feedin place

LC
9. Long drives on the country roads
BC
9. Very long drive to get to a country road

LC
10. should take 10mn to get to work I get there in 10mn
BC
10. should take 10 mn to get to work I get there in 40

LC
11. I look up and see the stars
BC
11. Some hits me for no reason and I see stars

LC
12. 98% white people (mainly nice)
BC
12. 70% whites (mainly racist)

LC
13. 2% minorities, can't wait to meet them
BC
13. 30% minorities, can't wait to kill them

I love this little town it's nice to raise a family, but I gotta admit I miss the looks, sounds and feel of the bigger city.

Time to move

2005-08-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

I have moved quite a few times in my life. I have moved from Bolivia to Miami and from Miami to Wisconsin. In Wisconsin I probably moved about 6 or 7 times. I am familiar with moving and all the things required. I will talk about something that happened when we moved from Miami to Wisconsin.

Aight, I'm about 11 or 12 at this point. It sucks that we're moving from Miami, but pops gotta a job so the fam must move. I loved Miami, so much to do, so many nice beaches and things to do all year round, unlike Wisconsin when it gets to be those 30 below days that you can't do shit but bundle up with a blanket and watch a movie from the collection (it's usually one of the God Father's or Goodfellas). Back to the story. We're packing the stuff, and the my dad (who's CDL certified) pulls the rig to the curb so we can start loading all our stuff. We lived in an apartment complex so my dad parked the rig in front of the building. As we're loading the stuff, our neighbor, what we thought was a nice Cuban, starts yelling.
"Hey main (he's trying to say man, if your Hispanic you know what I'm talking about with their accents) que pasa chico."
Dad "What's the problem"
Cuban "Jur trok is blocking mi ventana"
Dad "so, we're moving, what do u want me to do, move your truck so you can look out the window?"
Cuban "claro chico, tass right"
Dad "we'll move it when we're done"
Cuban "putanga main dee trok is too big"
At this point my dad gets pissed cuz he's starting to swear, and if you know my dad any bad word said in his direction is fightin words. The following conversation was in spanish but I'll translate for our anglo friends and others that don't know spanish.
Dad "Listen to me, you say one more word to me and I'll beat you all the way back to Cuba"
Cuban "why" (who the fuck says why after that person was threatened)
Dad "you don't swear at me and keep talkin, if you swear at me I'll make sure you can't open your mouth again to swear at me"
Cuban "calm down my friend, it's OK" (do you see the reversal, he started tough, now he's down to nothing)
Dad "leave us alone now, you got it?
Cuban "ok, sorry I won't bother you guys again (this was the clincher) and take your time"
Again, I'm either 11 or 12 and I started laughing cuz this cuban guy just got punked by my dad.
At that time I respected and feared my dad. I respected him cuz he didn't back down, and let me tell you, this guy was really big, he was about 6'6" and muscular and my dad is 5'9" and stocky. I feared my dad in the sense that from that point on I knew if I really talked back to my dad or didn't listen to him I could seriously get my ass beat.
After the cuban left, my dad looked at me and winked at me. I took that to mean "how u like me now."
Props to my pops. Any stories out there when you realized whether you dad was as tough as you though he was?

Happy Thoughts

2005-08-12T06:29:00.000-07:00

Well my friends, I'm officially an attorney. The Board of Bar Examiners surely missed a lot when allowing me to practice law here. Oh well. I'll tell you about the ceremony next time, right now to more important things. Songs that make u reminisce of the "good ol' dayz."

It never fails, everytime I hear "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta" by the Getto Boys, it takes me back to simpler days. I think everytime I heard that song I was either under the influence of certain substances or just cruisin with the fellas. I gotta admit, I had a few friends that were in gangs and looking for something devious to do, and for some reason when we did something bad and heard that song it made it all worthwhile, as if we truly were gangstas. Now that I think about it, all it was some young kids with nothin better to do, other than pickin fights or involved in some form of vandalism, just having a good time. The shit we got into is by no means harmless, but for some reason listening to that song, it made everything we did legit under the eyes of our friends.

"Cuz now I got the world swingin' from my nut damn it feels good to be a gangsta" If that isn't a good ending to a song I don't know what is.

One day in particular comes to mind. I gotta admit, at the time I was scared as hell, but of course when I told the story later I said I wasn't. I was in 10th grade I think. My boyz and my brother's boyz were cruisin looking for some action. A car with a bunch of fools rolls up next to us and starts talking shit. It was probably 6 of us in my car, what they didn't realize that my brother was behind me in his Blazer with 6 of his buddies and behind him 4 more buys were rollin with us. Before we knew it, my brother is tailgating them and we see they're calling someone. What we found out later was that those fools were calling their boys for some back up. 15 minutes later we're all in a park ready to throw down.

I was scare cuz my buddy thought he saw one of them with a gun. My brother and his six buddies were all up front talking to the other guys telling them to get out and fight (real macho right? Once everything happened we realized how stupid it was for him to be in the open when we thought they had guns). In the mean time the rest of us are hiding behind some shrubs ready to jump them when the least expect it.

We saw a total of three cars that they were rolling with, we weren't sure how many people were there. It turns out that it was 10 of them and no gun, what they had was pipes. When they get out, they're talkin shit - my brother's crew is talking shit. At this point one of the guys that was hiding with us makes a move and jumps out. Naturally we all jumped out, but we didn't wait long enough so as to not give them a chance to run. They saw the rest of us and got in their cars and drove off. Sure enough after this happen (this was my first encounter with what would've been a group fight) I turn on my radio, pop the cassette (tells you how old I am) and what song comes up next? Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. It was a good feeling after wards.

10 years later and family and a law degree later I realize just how stupid it was to do the shit we did. And for what? Nothing really, just a way for the boyz to show how tough we were. in reality it doesn't prove anything, all it proved was that I was stupid at the time, regardless of the risks we were taking.

But to this day, everytime I hear that song I think of those days, and regardless of the stupidity of the situation I think, damn it felt good to be a teenager. It's funny when older people would tell that I would miss high school days, I would laugh and say "hellz no, I'm fin forget this shit right quick." Now I think of the glory days of high school - not high school, I hated that shit, and I'm glad that's done, I miss the carelessness of the world at the time and all I had to worry about was hooking up with a girl and knowing there was a party to go to every weekend (maybe not like the ones the rican has been but good parties nonetheless)

Cuz in the end "when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna doDamn it feels good to be a gangsta."

Nun's on the Run

2005-08-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

What is the world coming to. A client comes in today - wait, let me take that back. A crazy guy stops in our office to make a demand, he'll be known as Nutty Joey (he introduced himself as Joey). Nutty Joey is mad. Nutty Joey wants to sue somebody. Nutty Joey is ... Fucking Nuts. He stops in because he wanted to sue the city (he got kicked out of a public library) because they have unjustly put him in a black list never to let him in again. He had previous encounters were he harassed people, but what he did last week was the straw that broke the camel's back. He got kicked out for harassing a Nun. Who in their right mind harasses a nun. I've never heard of even crazy guys harassing a Nun. This guy comes in here and has the minerals (lets not forget he has a few missing from his head) to say that it was the Nun's fault. Lets assume the Nun was at fault. Who in the right mind is gonna believe that a Nun is the bad person. I'm not saying that Nun's are saints, I've dealt with mean ass Nun's in grade school. But I've never heard a Nun harassing a random person in a public library, or any public place for that matter.

Gold Nugget? That's simple - if you think you can sue a nun for harassment, your dead wrong, the only chance your gonna have is maybe a sexual harassment claim on a priest, they're the guilty ones.

I realize that with my last comment I may piss of some of my catholic readers, but hey facts are facts. Too many scandals involving priests and kids. I would never trust a priest alone with my daughters or son if I had one. Let's get back to the topic at hand though, anyone out there with some crazy Nun stories or related issues?

Karma

2005-08-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

This is my second attempt at this post.
On Sunday I was watching AFV (America's funniest videos) with the fam. I love that show because there is nothing funnier than watching people gettin hurt. Specially when they do some stupid shit like thinking that being 300lbs and walkin on top of a roof might not be worth worrying. Anyway, I was watching this clip of a karate instructor who thought it would be ok to look the other way while telling his 4 year old student to kick. Needless to say the guy got kicked in the nuts and I laughed my ass off. I then turned to my wife and said "what a dumbass what the hell was he thinking? That's what he gets for being stupid." In comes Monday

I get home from work after a long day. The first thing that happens when I get home is that my daughters greet me, either by running and huggin me or by blowing me kisses (I have the most beautiful girls in the world and the rican and homer will tell you that they don't look anything like me. Thank God for that) On this particular day, as I get to the top of the stairs, my daughters see me and in their joy of seeing the best dad in the world (that's right I said it) the run towards me. One of them has a roll of wrapping paper, still wrapped. As they run (this is happening in slow motion) they lunge themselves at me. When I saw them, prior to them running I knelt on the floor. As my girl runs at me I notice the roll of paper really low. I couldn't react at this point, because it was either protect my self or let her fall. As I was reaching out to grab my daughters (twins) the roll hits me in the nuts. Let me describe what this was like. Think of a pole vaulter. When they make their approach, they lower their pole and stick it on the crevice to propel themselves up. That's what this was like, she stuck the roll of paper right on my left nut and propelled her self up. I will call her pole vaulter from now on. I was in a lot of pain and took about half hour to recover.

After I recover, my wife calls us to the table to eat. My fat ass runs to the table to eat (my wife is the best damn cook in the world. I say this in case she ever reads it, it might win me some points, but I'm sure I would loose those points as soon as she read the story of shitting on myself), before I do this I put my girls on their high chairs. When we are done, I proceed to get them down. As I'm doing this my other daughter, not the pole vaulter, jumps off her high chair, to my arms. As she reaches out to grab me, her legs swing and hit me on my other nut. OUCH. I'm fuckin hurting now, two incidents, two nuts crushed. I dropped on my knees and prayed for a quick recovery.

I again recover and realize the Chicago Bears are about to play. I recover quickly at the news and sit down to watch the game. The game is about the middle of the first quarter, the bears are leading 7-0, but the dolphins are moving down field. In my excitement I move from the couch to the floor. I sit down, extend my legs and my back is on the couch. At this point my daughters are running around chasing each other. They run around avoiding my legs. Apparently this took one of them too long to do in order to chase her sister. She finds a shortcut by jumping over my legs (why didn't I just lift my legs or sit Indian style? Dunno, but it will come back to haunt me). At the time I didn't notice that her jumps were getting closer to my body. By the time I realized it was too late. She jumps (I don't know which of the two it was) and her jump doesn't clear to the other side. She lands square on my nuts. Both feet, full force. AHHHHHHHHHHH is all I can say. Just at that precise moment I realized. KARMA. If I hadn't' laughed at that guy from FMV, if I Hondo made those remarks, this would never have happened. Why oh why did I have to do that.

Two reasons come to mind. 1. Don't do to others as you would do onto yourself. 2. Maybe this was a way for some one to tell me not to have kids anymore. I'm telling you my boyz can swim. Two attempts and three kids, the odds are on my side. But you know that Hispanics can multiply. Like John Leguizamo once said (he said it about Puerto Ricans, but it applies to Hispanics in general) "we multiply like roaches."

What is the gold nugget of the day? This goes out to guys, don't' laugh when u see another guy getting kick, slapped, pole vaulted or punched in the nuts. It might come back to haunt you like it did to me that awful Monday morning. The only redemption that day was that the Bears won.

No more spell checks

2005-08-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

This fuckin sucks. I spent about an hour typing, what i thought was gonna make a good post and when i was doing the spell check it errased my whole story. sorry for the inconveniece to all my loyal readers. I should do some work now and will re-type that shit later today. Sorry.

I'm being interviewed by Puerto Rican Angel

2005-08-05T05:58:00.000-07:00

If you want to be interviewed here's how it works.....
1. If you want to participate leave a comment below that says "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions, each person's will be different.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

Here are the questions and responses

1. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I think I'm gonna have to say Angelina Jolie - she looks so damn sexy

2. Where would you go on your dream vacation?
I would Start in Italy then to Thailand then to Mozambique and then to Bolivia

3. If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 things would you bring with you and why?
1. The finest girl I could grab (I know guys say why bring a woman she'll talk ur ear off along with the other negatives of a woman but to me sex will override all that crap)
2. "The Pill" for her cuz I don't want her pregnant on an island (we'll be shaggin like dingoes in the outback)
3. Food to have energy for all the sex we're gonna have (of course this assumes she'll wanna have sex but at some point there is the desperation, so at some point she'll break)

4. What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
This is gonna be really embarrassing, and it happened when I was in third grade. I really had to go to the bathroom, I had to take a piss, I asked the teacher if I could go the bathroom and she said no. Half hour later I ask again and again she says no. This goes on for a while until she gets tired of me asking and lets me go (the classroom was really big the teacher was in the opposite side of the door and the other kids were doing art projects so she wasn't paying attention). As I'm on my way out the door guess who steps in front of me and the door, you guessed it the fuckin bully (still remember his face, that evil smile, and his name; Roberto Pinto if you are out there you muthafucka, I will find you and cut your nuts off you SOB; ahhhhhhhh it feels good to get that out). Anyway he doesn't let me through (it has been over two hours since I first asked the teacher, I guess she wanted me to wait till recess) he starts pushing me around, finally I get mad and tried pushing him around and called him a pendejo (asshole, pretty foul for a third grader but things are different now and kids say worse things than that). He gets mad, grabs me by the arm and punches me as hard as he can on the kidney. Remember that my bladder is full and have been holding the piss for a while now. Well you can see the obvious, I pissed on myself and if you have ever been punched on the kidney, you know that it hurts a lot more being punched there than in the stomach. Well, that's not the only thing that came out, I literally shit myself. I bet you didn't' see that coming, I bet I sure ass hell gonna get shit from my buddies (specially freakinrican, I know ur ass aint gonna let this go by). I don't care though, I was in third graded and my bladder and apparently my intestines were full. This should make some people laugh and my friends not want to shake my hand anymore.

5. What's the craziest thing you have ever done?
Now this is something I can't discuss because it involves a girl and if for some reason she came across this she will know it's her and that would be the end of me. I'll just say a stupid thing I did; It was my birthday and the boys and girls from UPS (if you read my blog you'd know I worked there and crazy shit has happened there) took me out. When I got there they had 5 shots of tequila waiting for me. I took those straight followed by a beer. I had about 3 more beers in half hour and I had 5 more tequila shots waiting for me. I had about 3 or 4 beers in about an hour and then I had 5 more shots of tequila waiting for me followed by a beer. If you haven't counted yet that is 15 shots of tequila and about 8 beers in about two hours. Needless to say I was drunk as shit, the pants came down and the first thing I did after that was grab a girl and took her to the dance floor (this was a rather small bar and dance floor was really small) and I was dancing with one of my employees with no pants. Unfortunately someone happened to have a camera with them and some pics were taken. I don't know were those ended up so I hope they never turn up.

I really can't believe I answered these questions. I'm sure I will loose some friends after this.

"So, what's up..."

2005-08-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

I was watching seinfeld and I got the idea for today's post. George, always the neurotic, is calling this girl that Elaine is hooking him up with. The next day George walks into Jerry's apartment all exited and says that their conversation was so good that he didn't talk about the list of things he had planned to talk about. There are other episodes were it is mentioned that he has a list of things to talk about so the conversation doesn't end up with both people saying the above mentioned title. It got me thinking ( I have been married almost 5 years now so it's been a while since I had the "first" call to the significant other) did I ever do that?
I gotta admit, I may not have written a list, but I sure as hell had a list on my head of things to talk about. For the most part it always ended up with either me not using my topics because we both had so much in common or the other person and I just didn't click and it didn't matter the topics I had, the conversations were just dull.
One of those conversations comes to mind and I will try to re-enact it as closely as I can (since my ass is so old and this happened when I was in high school. By the way the girl's name was Tikka (if that isn't a black girl's name I don't know what is). Little background, met this girl in a club and is the first black chick I hooked up with, girl was fine but as you will see the conversation not to good despite my exiting predetermined topics.
Me: Hey Tikka what up, this is Ricardo
Tikka: Haaaay, what up.
Me: Just calling to see what you were up too and see if you wanted to kick it tonight
Tikka: Fo reeeeal. Can't dude I'm finna go with my babygirls (her friends) out tonight.
Me: oh aight (at this point I wanted to hang up to avoid a bad conversation but she kept me on for a while)
Tikka: I still wanna talk to you though, we had a good time last night (don't get your minds in the gutter, we danced pretty much all night, she was shaking her booty, and I was loving it)
Me: So what up?
Tikka: Not much
Me: (first planned topic) So you like dancing (I know, cleaver isn't it?)
Tikka: Tadaow (I assumed this meant yes)
Me: you like that club
Tikka: Tadaow
Me: (I'm thinking this isn't going good, topic two, this is highschool by the way) what else u do besides go to clubs...you party a lot at friend's house?
Tikka: tadaow
Me: Yeah I like going to friends parties too
Tikka: Haaaay
Me: You going to one tonight?
Tikka: Tadaow
Not to make this too long but as you can see every response was either "tadaow" or "haaaaaaay"
Here is, from what I remembered things to talk about
1. Talk about her highschool
2. Does she play sports in school
3. Does she drink or smoke (either one)
The list goes on about shit like this but I think I only did a couple since I was getting no responses and no matter what I talked about it was just a shitty conversation, needless to say I never called her again. Apparently she did like me though since she called me about 6 times after that and got the picture since I never came to the phone. I guess I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there that does this, either writes or thinks hard about what to talk about before making that first call. Let me know.

UPS - behind the scenes

2005-08-02T06:05:00.000-07:00

I used to work for UPS, I miss working there because the funniest people and the funniest things happen there. I started there as an hourly and was eventually a supervisor.
Do you guys remember Ace Ventura Pet Detective? The part in the beginning when he is dressed up as a delivery man and is kicking that package all over the place, that is not too far from reality. I don't know how many times I had to reprimand people for using the packages as a football and kicking it into the container as if making a field goal (and I have to say that I was reprimanded for that same stuff when I was an hourly). Anyway, besides all the breaking of packages, accidentally and purposefully, nothing will top the crazy people (of course this doesn't include me) that worked there. I liked making up nicknames for the people there, some stuck with them and I swear to you (to the people that are still there when I was still have the nicknames) most people just new them by the nicknames and not their real names.

1. "sarge" - ex army dude, military discharged for suspicion of selling weapons and drug use (how he passed our screening I have no idea) . I gave him the nickname and, the sarge ever the army guy, loved it. He was demanding like a sergeant but at times a prick, and if he didn't like you, you were fucked. He had this demented look to him that would make u shit your pants. The guy was just crazy.

2. Tubs - he was this huge black guy, you may think fat because of tubs but he was built like a tank. He was another army guy that I wouldn't be surprised if he also got discharged. He had one of the funniest lines ever. There was this one black dude, his name was Jamale (pronounce Ja - male), tubs was talking to him ( all his front teeth were gone and when he would talk he would always have food in his mouth so naturally no one got close to him when he started talking in fear that a chip would fly out of his mouth) and he referred to Jamale as Jamal and Jamale finally says "dude what the fuck I keep telling you my name is Jamale not Jamal" Tubs says "Jamale, Jamal, I don't give a shit (with food flying out of his mouth mind you) you still the same nigga!!!" I had to laugh and Jamale had no choice but to laugh also.

3. Bird - There was an episode that will stick on my mind for a long time, that was the day I met the toothless trailertrash girl. I've told this story to a few people and it's a tough one to swallow but here it goes (the only reason I'm telling this is in hopes that I get more readers here, Just kidding).
This new girl starts, her body was not bad, but the face was that of Larry bird (we called her bird, she thought it was a compliment everytime we called her that, she must have thought that, as birds beign pretty, we were referring her as such, little did she know it was for having a nasty ass face. We also called her gummer, you will find out why). Every Thursday we would go out to the bar and get wasted (tons of crazy shit has happened, from girls taking their clothes off to guys taking their pants down and pictures being produced for later embarrassment). Bird goes out with us (this was the second week she was there). As I'm drinking heavily, she tells me, "you wanna see something?" of course I say yes. She comes back and shows me a bunch of photos of her naked (she wanted to submit them to playboy or hustler, you would've been more successful is she would've submitted it to "Call of the Wild") At this point, it's about 1 am and I'm drunk. She takes me out to the dance floor and is trying to dance and tells me, "wanna see something else?" and again drunk as I am I say "Sure" Then she proceeds in opening her mouth (this was in the middle of a so-called dance area in a rather small bar) Right now I'm thinking what the fuck is she gonna do. She then, with her tongue, pushes her false teeth out, TOP and BOTTOM. I give her this look, as if I'm gonna throw up, and she tells me "you know how good my blowjobs are without my teeth?" (if there is anyone who has experienced a gummer please let me know if I missed out, but regardless of that, and how drunk I was I was not about to go down that road, or rather I was not gonna let her go down my road) I look at her in disgust and say "You nasty ass bitch, what the fuck, you thought I was gonna like that? Damn you nasty ass ho." I was her supervisor and she was my employee, maybe not the nicest thing to say considering I have to see her the next day. Of course after those words she turns around and leaves (I have to say that we were ok the next day I think we both understood the situation and were happy to leave it behind). I will leave you with the lasting impression of a girl with no teeth and the face of Larry Bird."
I thought my goldnugget was gonna be, never hook up with a girl like that, among other things, but I guess if it's that good without the teeth then so be it and can't recommend against it, for depriving a man of the best BJ would be the wrong advice.

The good days are behind me

2005-07-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'll start this with a little story. I'm driving with my niece, dropping her off at school. She is in middle school. We're talking about her school, what she likes, who she likes and then I have the great idea to ask her a question. I ask "You think if I go to your school right now, I'd be hip?" I don't know what in God's name possessed me to use the word "hip." I never use it, but of course I use it and she looks at me, gives me the look (you know the one with one eyebrow raise, on side of the lip a bit raise and a bit (a ghetto look)) and says (a bit of ghetto talk as well) "not talkin like that u aint." Ouch. My 13 year old niece just told me I would not be cool. I tell her "let me rephrase that, "if I rolled into school with u, u think ur friends would think I was tight?" (How low can I get, I'm seeking a middle schooler's approval). Her response; Laughter, she laughs at me and says "I don't think so." Ready. Set. Aim. FIRE. Just like that I knew my good 'ol days were behind me.
A month later I get the invite to my 10 year High School reunion (shows how old I am). Prior to my niece incident I would've been "hellz yeah nigga, I'm finna roll like I used to." I was popular in school so it would've been cool to check out some of the fools that went there and what they're doing now. Now I'm thinking that I'm gonna be the one that is looked at like a fool. Granted, in high school most people would've thought of me only making it to a two year college (not that there is anything wrong with that), now I am an attorney and have a great family, which to most would be something to show off. In the end I may go but damn my niece brought me down to reality and I sure as hell aren't the guy I used to be. Maybe that is a good thing, considering I almost got expelled from school for trying to start a cafeteria food fight (another sign of why I shouldn't go, notice I said TRYING. Long story short (ala homer) I started throwing the food, I thought other would follow, in the end it was me and another dude that threw food and that was it, damn did I look like a fool).
Here is a gold nugget to those in my age and situation; never and I mean never assume that the younger kids (like my niece) think your cool, you may think that they think your cool. YOUR NOT, I'm not and now it feels like I'm going through mid-life crisis at 28. NOW THAT IS SAD my dear readers.

I think I may still go after the humiliating and humbling experience, if I go there should be plenty of gold there. I still think there'll be tons of fools out there who thought they were cool then and are still fools now.

The bells are ringing

2005-07-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

I apologize to my faithful readers, which is one or two (thanks homer and rican), for not posting, but I've been extremely busy at work and haven't had a chance to write.
The post today hits close to the home front.
I have three daughters (the most beautiful girls in the world) and every thing I go anywhere I always get looks, some look at me and smile, and others look at me and shake their heads. I always get stopped and am asked about them. I proudly say that I have twin daughters and a new daughter that has taken another piece of my heart (as I write this I think I wanna cry, but let's move on). After the initial pleasentries, the next remark always follows "I bet you can't wait until they get married, huh?" I think to myself, "I don't wanna think that far ahead, and I certainly can't picture them with a guy." This was always my thought after such comment.
I decided to ask my wife as to why people felt compelled to make this comment. I always thought that people would say this (now the next part is just Hispanic thinking, or maybe I'm wrong and it's the way all fathers think) with the thinking that I'm gonna hate all the guys they bring home, and how I will stand by the door with my shotgun scaring them away (which I will most likely do). My wife says (in her infinite wisdom and she is clearly smarter than I am) "duh, they say this because it is an American custom that the father of the bride pays for the wedding, therefore you will have to pay for three weddings." And just like that it hits me square in the face. I say "you mean to tell me that just as I am paying off my student loans, I will go in further debt paying for a wedding for twin daughters and possible another one two years after that?" My head just spins of all the money that will be spent. If there is a female reader out there you're probably thinking "what an ass, he should be happy spending money on his daughters," to that I say that I am happy to give my money away to my daughters, but I sure as hell don't wanna spend it on a wedding that is with a guy that I will probably hate. If they wanted to go on a trip around the world (for educational purposes that is) and I had the money, I would gladly give it to them. But why spend it on something created by an industry that just wants to put me in debt for the rest of my life.
My solution is this, I will simply use my Hispanic heritage to implement my plan. My plan is that where I come from the guy is responsible for paying for the wedding that is supposed to make his future wife happy. He is trying to impress my daughters, and to some extent me. I'm not trying to impress my daughters (because me being a dad is impressive enough) and I'm certainly not trying to impress the guy who is taking my little girls away from me.
When I got married, I took care of financing the wedding, granted it was a small wedding, but who said it has to be huge for it to be special.
If the guy takes that initiative, then it will make it worth while for me to help them out as much as I can.
To the guys out there, be a fuckin man and take responsibility for this, don't make the father of the bride be the man again, it's time for you to step up and take care of business, the way a man is supposed to.
The gold nugget is to you ladies : if you haven't been married, find a guy that is willing to take the responsibility for the wedding as a man is supposed to, if he can't take responsibility for this then you may wanna reconsider. What I mean by taking care of the wedding is that he should finance most if not all of it. At the same time, don't take advantage of the hold you have on our balls and demand the most expensive of everything. You don't really need a dress that costs 10K, you don't need a ring that costs 10K and you certainly don't need a wedding that is the cost of a house. If both the bride and groom take this advice, you will make the parents very, very happy.

Who's to blame

2005-07-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

My friend Homer wrote a post about the different type of girl haters, this will be somewhat similar in that it will talk about Hispanic haters.
As you may have heard there is a new Supreme Court Justice, John Roberts (he is technically a nominee at this point but let's assume it's all said but done). He's a conservative and for all I know he may become a great Justice. But this post is not about him, it's about who could've been. If you have followed all the choices that could've been, at one point there was speculation that a Hispanic would be a Justice. Now some of you may laugh at this and say to yourself "there's no way in hell a Hispanic is ever going to be a Justice." I think that there is a lot of truth. It wont be the fault of the president, white people or Congress for that matter. The ones to blame are Hispanics themselves. Right now white people are probably scratching their heads and saying "huh?" I don't know how other minorities are, but it seems that whenever there is the possibility that one of Us might have a high position, whether at work, or something as important as a high governmental position, WE keep them down. What I mean is that Hispanics (and I should say that I don't include myself in this) find something or start a chisme (gossip) to keep that person down. We'll make shit up, we'll start shit up, we'll sabotage that person's progress in any possible form. Why do Hispanics act like this? In one word, HATERS. No one hates better than the person of your own race. Like I said, I don't know how other races operate but I can be certain that they act the same way we do, after all, all minorities carry similar traits.
As I was discussing this topic with my Hispanic friends, no one of us speculated other reasons as to the diss on the Justice. It was as if we had planned the conversation, almost at the same time, we all said "why do we gotta keep a brotha down." Like I said, I am certain that other minorities operate the same way, so to those minorities that are oblivious to this, my gold nugget goes out to you; Never, ever share the possible success you may have coming to you. Don't tell other members of your race about your promotion, your possible new job, or anything that spells out success, because someone will sabotage your success. It wont be that white guy (although they are to blame for other things) that keeps you down. Remember keep your possible success on the DL cuz if you don't that's all it's going to be, a possibility, not a reality. To those who run for public office, where everyone knows, well your fucked and I can't help you (not just because I'm Hispanic and I want to make sure you don't succeed).

State Fairs

2005-07-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

I live in a small town in Wisconsin, before this I lived in Milwaukee, WI. Both places have their fairs. I went to the fair, hoping I would find tons of gold nuggets. Unfortunately I didn't find any, at least any worth writing about. I was expecting tons of differenced between the fair in a small city and the fair in the bigger city. I found none (except the size of the fair, milwaukee's obviously being the bigger one). Everything else was the same, and the list of similarities is as follows:
1. Old, dangerous looking (safety wise) rides.
2. Fat chicks in bikini tops and daisy dukes (I'm am sure they weren't at one point but after so many cheese curds the shorts that were at one point knee length are now daisy dukes).
3. Fat man wearing their t-shirts on their heads like a turban protecting them from the sun
4. The foul smelling odor that barn animals have (to this I have to add that, when I was talking past the Swiss price-winning cow, the bitch had the nerve to take a shit as I was walking by, and it wasn't the huge nuggets I expected to come out, it was the wet shit that when it hit the ground as I was walking by, it splashed and landed all over my legs, feet ( like a dumbass I was wearing sandals), and got my shorts dirty. Let me add thouough that I did take one for the team, as I pushed the wife and kids aside as I watched in slow motion the shit hit the ground and then splash on my legs.
About the latter, I never got why so many people go see the animals at the fair. This comment is not for parents of little children, because I know the kids looking at animals ( I know I have young kids that like this). To those who don't, and I know you're out there cuz I see you walking by looking at them. It's a fuckin cow, haven't you seen one before? And don't tell me that you didn't because, your parents brought you when you were a kid, and if you didn't you sure as hell know what they look like. What is the fascination with seeing chickens, ducks and pigs. You can turn on PBS and see them everyday. Again the question is why do people go to these things. To tell you the truth, I don't know, cuz if I did the message would be the gold nugget. Maybe there is someone out there that can give me a reason for this. People go to these things every year, and every year is the same. There are barn animals (that includes number 2 and 3 above), rides and food. What is the excitement of going to the fair, please advice.

Whites Rule...

2005-07-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

...or do they? This post will cover a few things, all of which will have a racial tone to.
Most minorities get their last names butchered (blacks excluded as most are either Jackson or Robinson, and arguably most Hispanics are limited to Hernandez or Fernandez which can be easily pronounced) by white people trying to pronounce them. Well, one day I went to the DMV and there was one of my heroes. The DMV clerk was a Hispanic man, he was working in the counter where he took the ID pictures and called your name to get the license. In all his deviousness, every time he called a white person's name, he would butcher the hell out of it. I could tell that he was doing it on purpose because he had this smile that said "Oh how sweet is to get back all all these white people." Now, some whites might say "most Hispanics have a devious little smile all the time, and that's because Hispanics really are devious." Although there may be some truth to this, I say, it takes one to know one. I knew he was doing it on purpose. As I was watching this go on, I couldn't hold the laughter, and sitting in that little chair in the DMV I witnessed "The Greatest Show on Earth." I really feel bad for Asians, as their names are really butchered, so as a message to the Asian nation, if you work at a DMV or any other place that requires to call people's names out, please follow the example of the devious Mexican DMV worker, I guarantee happiness on your part.
The gold nugget is this - White people, watch out, all the minorities will get back at you for all the shit you do or did to us. We will take all that is dear to you. Example - the "American game (baseball)" is not really American anymore, is it. Hispanics rule that now, and watch out, cuz the Asians are coming and when they come, they come by the dozens. As the comedian John Leguizamo once said about Hispanics (and I add it to Asians as well) "We multiply like roaches."

Hairy situation

2005-07-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

I am in Wisconsin and most people think (regarding girls) big boned girls. Here is a new one, hairy ass girls. There was a lady walking around, with a tube-top, showing some skin. However, skin wasn't showing. I could see more hair than skin on her back. Damn ladies, I know there is a guy for every girl, and vice-versa, but when you're that hairy you can only attract some primate. I know there are medical problems which makes some women hairy as hell. If that's the case cover yourself up, don't walk around showing that. If I look and see that, I'm gonna look behind and see if a giraffe or an elephant is following you as escapee's of the zoo. So what is the Gold Nugget? Hair today, gone tomorrow ladies. Shave, wax, lazer beam that. Remember the only hair that should be braided is the hair on your head, not your back or chin.

New Found Inspiration

2005-07-15T05:50:00.000-07:00

I was driving to work this morning and as I was listening to the radio, this old man comes out of nowhere and cuts me off. He almost made me crash into another vehicle. My reaction was to beep my horn and I was ready to call him names among other things. When I realized it was an old man, I opted not to do anything else. I just gave him a look and as I was doing that, he gives ME the finger. I just shake my head and keep on driving. This is what most people do, when it's realized that it's an old person, most don't do much. Well, I say enough is enough. I believe that all old people have conspired against us. Since it's us (the younger generation) that is putting them in homes they will do anything to get back at us. I say, if they want to be treated equally, do so. If they cut you off, give them the finger, follow them close by, give them gestures to pull over so you can kick their ass. You say where is this anger coming from? Well, I got my inspiration from my friend the freakinrican. Not only did he deny a 70 year old woman of the few little dollars that she has, but he caught her in her deception, and made her pay for it. All freakinrican did was to treat then equally, and she got what she deserved. So, what is the goldnugget today? There is a worldwide conspiracy from old people against us. Wise up and do what is necessary to stop the nonsense

What is a Gold Nugget

2005-07-14T15:05:00.000-07:00

This can be defined (by me) as a valuable piece of information. There will be tons of gold nuggets here, anything to sports related things and more importantly about generalizations about all kinds of people. I'm hispanic so it will be about whites, blacks and , yes you got it, hispanics too. I think the latter will be the easiest just cuz being one, i know of so many.
I will discuss sports related stuff like, what the hell is a nascar driver getting banned for a few races for the use of steroids. I may not know how hard driving a car at 180 mph is like but, really, steroids, to drive? I would take stuff that keeps me awake for all those forsaken hours of driving, or take pills that would keep me from going dizzy.
I'm a huge soccer fan, and being the busy lawyer that I am I will try to be up to date on all of the transactions and the huge amounts of money spent by the owners.
Feel free to coment, as I don't take offense to much, excpet if you talk bad about the Chicago Bears. Just Kidding. With this introduction I say hello to the internet and to the many people that will read this. (I highly doubt it but what the hell, here it is)