The Hand of Fate

This post is about the first girl I attempted to ask out. This story is inspired by fellow blogger Guy with 2 cats.

As you may remember I came to this country when I was in 5th grade. This story takes place in the 6th grade. A school in the suburbs with rich kids and pretty girls. And then there was me, shaggy hair, bad clothes and bad accent.

There was one girl I like the minute I saw her. She had long brown hair and was fun to play with. She could hang with the boys in all sports and was as strong as most of them, including myself (I don't know why I'm admitting to this but what the hell, we had an arm wrestling contest and her and I tied, we went head to head and we both tried as hard as we could but neither could bend the other).

Well as time went we became good friends and as we hung out a lot in school and in the playground I began to like her more. Much to my delight I found out that she like me.

Let me describe the setting. When you walked in through the doors the class room was to the left and then to the right there was another door that led to the coat room right behind the classroom. Kids would hang their coats and backpacks there.

A mutual friend pulls me in the coat room and tells me that (we'll call her Shera) Shera likes me and I should ask her out. My palms start sweating and my heart is beating 2000 beats a second. My face gets red and I get really nervous. Nothing has happened yet and I'm already a mess.

I ask "what should I do, or what should I say." She tells me "just go there talk to her like usual and see if she wants to go to a movie with you, I guarantee you she'll say yes." Then she goes back to her desk because class is about to start.

I stay in the coat room alone thinking of what I should do. This is the first time this happens to me and I have no idea as to what to do. I have 2 older brothers but I can't call on them now, it's up to me to get through this, right? WRONG. If you were ever in this situation you would know that FATE has every thing to do with it.

So, I say to my self as I walk to my desk and slowly sit on my chair "I know, if I make this then it's on."

I sat in the front of the class by the door, so the waste basket was infront of me behind the door. I close the door, sit back on my chair and take out a piece of paper. I crumple it tight. I want to make this a perfect circle so it looks like a ball. I look at the basket and think to myself "if dees goes in dee wayste baskeet I will call her."

I get ready, I shoot and I MAKE IT. For a split second there was joy but then it hits me. OH SHIT. Now I'm even more scared than before because now FATE SAYS I MUST ASK HER.

As I'm thinking this through I hear a voice, can't really comprehend what is saying but I think someone is calling my name. I pay no attention and I just keep thinking what the hell am I going to say.

Finally I hear my name distinctly and look up and there's the teacher looking at me. I say "yes?"
he tells me "Just what do you think you're doing mister?" I say "huh" not knowing what the hell he's talking about.

He says "What you just did what do you think you're doing."
As if there's nothing wrong I say "uhhhhhhh shooootin garbage?"
He says"well I'm glad you did that, now here's what your going to do. You're going to go out that door to the principals office and sit there and tell the principal why you thought it was urgent to throw paper while I'm teaching"

The other kids are laughing at me, I look like a fool just getting yelled at by the teacher and because of this I never did ask her out. At least not that day. Well, never, I was too embarrassed and I couldn't put myself together to got to her. We remained friends but I never got to "ask her out."

Strip club etiquette

This is just a random comments on strip clubs. It's been a while since I was in a strip club, but the thing to do is that whenever a girl approaches you, you have to tip her. I didn't mind tipping them when I'm by them and they're putting on their show. What I really hate is when they put their clothes back on and they walk around collecting money. Sometimes I ended up tipping them twice, once while she's performing and the second time when they do the walk-aromatic.

There is a way to avoid the second tipping. Maybe I'm the only cheap person that did this but when they were doing the walk-around and approached my table, I would get up and either go to the bathroom or got up to go to the bar. The worst was when a ugly ass girl approaches, you don't have a chance to leave and end up tipping an ugly ass girl. I always got joy when I would get up and leave, and leave my buddy behind stuck with tipping the ugly dancer.

I've been to a few strip clubs where there was full nudity. The first time I went to one of these I was 18, so naturally I wanted a lap dance. I pay the money and when the girl starts her routine she dances for a bit, takes the top off and keeps on dancing. I'm thinking "the song is almost over and her panties are still on." Much to my detriment I came to find out that even in full nudity strip clubs, they don't do lapdances fully nude. That may not be the case everywhere, but all the places in the surrounding area were like that.

I was at another strip club and was in the dance area when the girl was doing some moves, much to my enjoyment. I, like a gentleman, put the dollar in my mouth so she can get it with whatever part of her body she likes (except her hands). She gets really close and starts the heavy breathing to "turn me on" (you know what I mean, right Homer?). She then does something unexpected, she sticks her tongue in my ear and licks it real good and proceeds to the other side and does the same. I hadn't notice her doing that to the other guys there so I'm thinking "damn maybe she actually likes me and maybe I can hook up with a stripper, how cool would that be" (shut up, I was 18 and horny, I can hope can't I?) Just as I'm thinking that I look to my left and she's doing the same to the guy and then that's when it hits me.
1. She's done this to tons of guys and who knows where in the list I am, it's almost like getting dirty seconds, or 5ths for that matter.
2. How much ear wax had she swallowed that night.
3. What does her mouth taste like (I don't want to know)
4. If she has a boyfriend, does he know she does this and does he care that he has other guy's earwax in her mouth?

Finally, does it hurt when they jump on the pole hang on with their legs and slide down? You don't see firemen sliding down the pole in shorts, plus I had a friend that was a fireman and he said he did that once and hurt like hell. I know strippers don't slide down fast or a long way, but it would seem like it would hurt nonetheless.