The good days are behind me

I'll start this with a little story. I'm driving with my niece, dropping her off at school. She is in middle school. We're talking about her school, what she likes, who she likes and then I have the great idea to ask her a question. I ask "You think if I go to your school right now, I'd be hip?" I don't know what in God's name possessed me to use the word "hip." I never use it, but of course I use it and she looks at me, gives me the look (you know the one with one eyebrow raise, on side of the lip a bit raise and a bit (a ghetto look)) and says (a bit of ghetto talk as well) "not talkin like that u aint." Ouch. My 13 year old niece just told me I would not be cool. I tell her "let me rephrase that, "if I rolled into school with u, u think ur friends would think I was tight?" (How low can I get, I'm seeking a middle schooler's approval). Her response; Laughter, she laughs at me and says "I don't think so." Ready. Set. Aim. FIRE. Just like that I knew my good 'ol days were behind me.
A month later I get the invite to my 10 year High School reunion (shows how old I am). Prior to my niece incident I would've been "hellz yeah nigga, I'm finna roll like I used to." I was popular in school so it would've been cool to check out some of the fools that went there and what they're doing now. Now I'm thinking that I'm gonna be the one that is looked at like a fool. Granted, in high school most people would've thought of me only making it to a two year college (not that there is anything wrong with that), now I am an attorney and have a great family, which to most would be something to show off. In the end I may go but damn my niece brought me down to reality and I sure as hell aren't the guy I used to be. Maybe that is a good thing, considering I almost got expelled from school for trying to start a cafeteria food fight (another sign of why I shouldn't go, notice I said TRYING. Long story short (ala homer) I started throwing the food, I thought other would follow, in the end it was me and another dude that threw food and that was it, damn did I look like a fool).
Here is a gold nugget to those in my age and situation; never and I mean never assume that the younger kids (like my niece) think your cool, you may think that they think your cool. YOUR NOT, I'm not and now it feels like I'm going through mid-life crisis at 28. NOW THAT IS SAD my dear readers.

I think I may still go after the humiliating and humbling experience, if I go there should be plenty of gold there. I still think there'll be tons of fools out there who thought they were cool then and are still fools now.

The bells are ringing

I apologize to my faithful readers, which is one or two (thanks homer and rican), for not posting, but I've been extremely busy at work and haven't had a chance to write.
The post today hits close to the home front.
I have three daughters (the most beautiful girls in the world) and every thing I go anywhere I always get looks, some look at me and smile, and others look at me and shake their heads. I always get stopped and am asked about them. I proudly say that I have twin daughters and a new daughter that has taken another piece of my heart (as I write this I think I wanna cry, but let's move on). After the initial pleasentries, the next remark always follows "I bet you can't wait until they get married, huh?" I think to myself, "I don't wanna think that far ahead, and I certainly can't picture them with a guy." This was always my thought after such comment.
I decided to ask my wife as to why people felt compelled to make this comment. I always thought that people would say this (now the next part is just Hispanic thinking, or maybe I'm wrong and it's the way all fathers think) with the thinking that I'm gonna hate all the guys they bring home, and how I will stand by the door with my shotgun scaring them away (which I will most likely do). My wife says (in her infinite wisdom and she is clearly smarter than I am) "duh, they say this because it is an American custom that the father of the bride pays for the wedding, therefore you will have to pay for three weddings." And just like that it hits me square in the face. I say "you mean to tell me that just as I am paying off my student loans, I will go in further debt paying for a wedding for twin daughters and possible another one two years after that?" My head just spins of all the money that will be spent. If there is a female reader out there you're probably thinking "what an ass, he should be happy spending money on his daughters," to that I say that I am happy to give my money away to my daughters, but I sure as hell don't wanna spend it on a wedding that is with a guy that I will probably hate. If they wanted to go on a trip around the world (for educational purposes that is) and I had the money, I would gladly give it to them. But why spend it on something created by an industry that just wants to put me in debt for the rest of my life.
My solution is this, I will simply use my Hispanic heritage to implement my plan. My plan is that where I come from the guy is responsible for paying for the wedding that is supposed to make his future wife happy. He is trying to impress my daughters, and to some extent me. I'm not trying to impress my daughters (because me being a dad is impressive enough) and I'm certainly not trying to impress the guy who is taking my little girls away from me.
When I got married, I took care of financing the wedding, granted it was a small wedding, but who said it has to be huge for it to be special.
If the guy takes that initiative, then it will make it worth while for me to help them out as much as I can.
To the guys out there, be a fuckin man and take responsibility for this, don't make the father of the bride be the man again, it's time for you to step up and take care of business, the way a man is supposed to.
The gold nugget is to you ladies : if you haven't been married, find a guy that is willing to take the responsibility for the wedding as a man is supposed to, if he can't take responsibility for this then you may wanna reconsider. What I mean by taking care of the wedding is that he should finance most if not all of it. At the same time, don't take advantage of the hold you have on our balls and demand the most expensive of everything. You don't really need a dress that costs 10K, you don't need a ring that costs 10K and you certainly don't need a wedding that is the cost of a house. If both the bride and groom take this advice, you will make the parents very, very happy.

Who's to blame

My friend Homer wrote a post about the different type of girl haters, this will be somewhat similar in that it will talk about Hispanic haters.
As you may have heard there is a new Supreme Court Justice, John Roberts (he is technically a nominee at this point but let's assume it's all said but done). He's a conservative and for all I know he may become a great Justice. But this post is not about him, it's about who could've been. If you have followed all the choices that could've been, at one point there was speculation that a Hispanic would be a Justice. Now some of you may laugh at this and say to yourself "there's no way in hell a Hispanic is ever going to be a Justice." I think that there is a lot of truth. It wont be the fault of the president, white people or Congress for that matter. The ones to blame are Hispanics themselves. Right now white people are probably scratching their heads and saying "huh?" I don't know how other minorities are, but it seems that whenever there is the possibility that one of Us might have a high position, whether at work, or something as important as a high governmental position, WE keep them down. What I mean is that Hispanics (and I should say that I don't include myself in this) find something or start a chisme (gossip) to keep that person down. We'll make shit up, we'll start shit up, we'll sabotage that person's progress in any possible form. Why do Hispanics act like this? In one word, HATERS. No one hates better than the person of your own race. Like I said, I don't know how other races operate but I can be certain that they act the same way we do, after all, all minorities carry similar traits.
As I was discussing this topic with my Hispanic friends, no one of us speculated other reasons as to the diss on the Justice. It was as if we had planned the conversation, almost at the same time, we all said "why do we gotta keep a brotha down." Like I said, I am certain that other minorities operate the same way, so to those minorities that are oblivious to this, my gold nugget goes out to you; Never, ever share the possible success you may have coming to you. Don't tell other members of your race about your promotion, your possible new job, or anything that spells out success, because someone will sabotage your success. It wont be that white guy (although they are to blame for other things) that keeps you down. Remember keep your possible success on the DL cuz if you don't that's all it's going to be, a possibility, not a reality. To those who run for public office, where everyone knows, well your fucked and I can't help you (not just because I'm Hispanic and I want to make sure you don't succeed).

State Fairs

I live in a small town in Wisconsin, before this I lived in Milwaukee, WI. Both places have their fairs. I went to the fair, hoping I would find tons of gold nuggets. Unfortunately I didn't find any, at least any worth writing about. I was expecting tons of differenced between the fair in a small city and the fair in the bigger city. I found none (except the size of the fair, milwaukee's obviously being the bigger one). Everything else was the same, and the list of similarities is as follows:
1. Old, dangerous looking (safety wise) rides.
2. Fat chicks in bikini tops and daisy dukes (I'm am sure they weren't at one point but after so many cheese curds the shorts that were at one point knee length are now daisy dukes).
3. Fat man wearing their t-shirts on their heads like a turban protecting them from the sun
4. The foul smelling odor that barn animals have (to this I have to add that, when I was talking past the Swiss price-winning cow, the bitch had the nerve to take a shit as I was walking by, and it wasn't the huge nuggets I expected to come out, it was the wet shit that when it hit the ground as I was walking by, it splashed and landed all over my legs, feet ( like a dumbass I was wearing sandals), and got my shorts dirty. Let me add thouough that I did take one for the team, as I pushed the wife and kids aside as I watched in slow motion the shit hit the ground and then splash on my legs.
About the latter, I never got why so many people go see the animals at the fair. This comment is not for parents of little children, because I know the kids looking at animals ( I know I have young kids that like this). To those who don't, and I know you're out there cuz I see you walking by looking at them. It's a fuckin cow, haven't you seen one before? And don't tell me that you didn't because, your parents brought you when you were a kid, and if you didn't you sure as hell know what they look like. What is the fascination with seeing chickens, ducks and pigs. You can turn on PBS and see them everyday. Again the question is why do people go to these things. To tell you the truth, I don't know, cuz if I did the message would be the gold nugget. Maybe there is someone out there that can give me a reason for this. People go to these things every year, and every year is the same. There are barn animals (that includes number 2 and 3 above), rides and food. What is the excitement of going to the fair, please advice.

Whites Rule...

...or do they? This post will cover a few things, all of which will have a racial tone to.
Most minorities get their last names butchered (blacks excluded as most are either Jackson or Robinson, and arguably most Hispanics are limited to Hernandez or Fernandez which can be easily pronounced) by white people trying to pronounce them. Well, one day I went to the DMV and there was one of my heroes. The DMV clerk was a Hispanic man, he was working in the counter where he took the ID pictures and called your name to get the license. In all his deviousness, every time he called a white person's name, he would butcher the hell out of it. I could tell that he was doing it on purpose because he had this smile that said "Oh how sweet is to get back all all these white people." Now, some whites might say "most Hispanics have a devious little smile all the time, and that's because Hispanics really are devious." Although there may be some truth to this, I say, it takes one to know one. I knew he was doing it on purpose. As I was watching this go on, I couldn't hold the laughter, and sitting in that little chair in the DMV I witnessed "The Greatest Show on Earth." I really feel bad for Asians, as their names are really butchered, so as a message to the Asian nation, if you work at a DMV or any other place that requires to call people's names out, please follow the example of the devious Mexican DMV worker, I guarantee happiness on your part.
The gold nugget is this - White people, watch out, all the minorities will get back at you for all the shit you do or did to us. We will take all that is dear to you. Example - the "American game (baseball)" is not really American anymore, is it. Hispanics rule that now, and watch out, cuz the Asians are coming and when they come, they come by the dozens. As the comedian John Leguizamo once said about Hispanics (and I add it to Asians as well) "We multiply like roaches."

Hairy situation

I am in Wisconsin and most people think (regarding girls) big boned girls. Here is a new one, hairy ass girls. There was a lady walking around, with a tube-top, showing some skin. However, skin wasn't showing. I could see more hair than skin on her back. Damn ladies, I know there is a guy for every girl, and vice-versa, but when you're that hairy you can only attract some primate. I know there are medical problems which makes some women hairy as hell. If that's the case cover yourself up, don't walk around showing that. If I look and see that, I'm gonna look behind and see if a giraffe or an elephant is following you as escapee's of the zoo. So what is the Gold Nugget? Hair today, gone tomorrow ladies. Shave, wax, lazer beam that. Remember the only hair that should be braided is the hair on your head, not your back or chin.

New Found Inspiration

I was driving to work this morning and as I was listening to the radio, this old man comes out of nowhere and cuts me off. He almost made me crash into another vehicle. My reaction was to beep my horn and I was ready to call him names among other things. When I realized it was an old man, I opted not to do anything else. I just gave him a look and as I was doing that, he gives ME the finger. I just shake my head and keep on driving. This is what most people do, when it's realized that it's an old person, most don't do much. Well, I say enough is enough. I believe that all old people have conspired against us. Since it's us (the younger generation) that is putting them in homes they will do anything to get back at us. I say, if they want to be treated equally, do so. If they cut you off, give them the finger, follow them close by, give them gestures to pull over so you can kick their ass. You say where is this anger coming from? Well, I got my inspiration from my friend the freakinrican. Not only did he deny a 70 year old woman of the few little dollars that she has, but he caught her in her deception, and made her pay for it. All freakinrican did was to treat then equally, and she got what she deserved. So, what is the goldnugget today? There is a worldwide conspiracy from old people against us. Wise up and do what is necessary to stop the nonsense

What is a Gold Nugget

This can be defined (by me) as a valuable piece of information. There will be tons of gold nuggets here, anything to sports related things and more importantly about generalizations about all kinds of people. I'm hispanic so it will be about whites, blacks and , yes you got it, hispanics too. I think the latter will be the easiest just cuz being one, i know of so many.
I will discuss sports related stuff like, what the hell is a nascar driver getting banned for a few races for the use of steroids. I may not know how hard driving a car at 180 mph is like but, really, steroids, to drive? I would take stuff that keeps me awake for all those forsaken hours of driving, or take pills that would keep me from going dizzy.
I'm a huge soccer fan, and being the busy lawyer that I am I will try to be up to date on all of the transactions and the huge amounts of money spent by the owners.
Feel free to coment, as I don't take offense to much, excpet if you talk bad about the Chicago Bears. Just Kidding. With this introduction I say hello to the internet and to the many people that will read this. (I highly doubt it but what the hell, here it is)