UPS - behind the scenes

I used to work for UPS, I miss working there because the funniest people and the funniest things happen there. I started there as an hourly and was eventually a supervisor.
Do you guys remember Ace Ventura Pet Detective? The part in the beginning when he is dressed up as a delivery man and is kicking that package all over the place, that is not too far from reality. I don't know how many times I had to reprimand people for using the packages as a football and kicking it into the container as if making a field goal (and I have to say that I was reprimanded for that same stuff when I was an hourly). Anyway, besides all the breaking of packages, accidentally and purposefully, nothing will top the crazy people (of course this doesn't include me) that worked there. I liked making up nicknames for the people there, some stuck with them and I swear to you (to the people that are still there when I was still have the nicknames) most people just new them by the nicknames and not their real names.

1. "sarge" - ex army dude, military discharged for suspicion of selling weapons and drug use (how he passed our screening I have no idea) . I gave him the nickname and, the sarge ever the army guy, loved it. He was demanding like a sergeant but at times a prick, and if he didn't like you, you were fucked. He had this demented look to him that would make u shit your pants. The guy was just crazy.

2. Tubs - he was this huge black guy, you may think fat because of tubs but he was built like a tank. He was another army guy that I wouldn't be surprised if he also got discharged. He had one of the funniest lines ever. There was this one black dude, his name was Jamale (pronounce Ja - male), tubs was talking to him ( all his front teeth were gone and when he would talk he would always have food in his mouth so naturally no one got close to him when he started talking in fear that a chip would fly out of his mouth) and he referred to Jamale as Jamal and Jamale finally says "dude what the fuck I keep telling you my name is Jamale not Jamal" Tubs says "Jamale, Jamal, I don't give a shit (with food flying out of his mouth mind you) you still the same nigga!!!" I had to laugh and Jamale had no choice but to laugh also.

3. Bird - There was an episode that will stick on my mind for a long time, that was the day I met the toothless trailertrash girl. I've told this story to a few people and it's a tough one to swallow but here it goes (the only reason I'm telling this is in hopes that I get more readers here, Just kidding).
This new girl starts, her body was not bad, but the face was that of Larry bird (we called her bird, she thought it was a compliment everytime we called her that, she must have thought that, as birds beign pretty, we were referring her as such, little did she know it was for having a nasty ass face. We also called her gummer, you will find out why). Every Thursday we would go out to the bar and get wasted (tons of crazy shit has happened, from girls taking their clothes off to guys taking their pants down and pictures being produced for later embarrassment). Bird goes out with us (this was the second week she was there). As I'm drinking heavily, she tells me, "you wanna see something?" of course I say yes. She comes back and shows me a bunch of photos of her naked (she wanted to submit them to playboy or hustler, you would've been more successful is she would've submitted it to "Call of the Wild") At this point, it's about 1 am and I'm drunk. She takes me out to the dance floor and is trying to dance and tells me, "wanna see something else?" and again drunk as I am I say "Sure" Then she proceeds in opening her mouth (this was in the middle of a so-called dance area in a rather small bar) Right now I'm thinking what the fuck is she gonna do. She then, with her tongue, pushes her false teeth out, TOP and BOTTOM. I give her this look, as if I'm gonna throw up, and she tells me "you know how good my blowjobs are without my teeth?" (if there is anyone who has experienced a gummer please let me know if I missed out, but regardless of that, and how drunk I was I was not about to go down that road, or rather I was not gonna let her go down my road) I look at her in disgust and say "You nasty ass bitch, what the fuck, you thought I was gonna like that? Damn you nasty ass ho." I was her supervisor and she was my employee, maybe not the nicest thing to say considering I have to see her the next day. Of course after those words she turns around and leaves (I have to say that we were ok the next day I think we both understood the situation and were happy to leave it behind). I will leave you with the lasting impression of a girl with no teeth and the face of Larry Bird."
I thought my goldnugget was gonna be, never hook up with a girl like that, among other things, but I guess if it's that good without the teeth then so be it and can't recommend against it, for depriving a man of the best BJ would be the wrong advice.