Karma

This is my second attempt at this post.
On Sunday I was watching AFV (America's funniest videos) with the fam. I love that show because there is nothing funnier than watching people gettin hurt. Specially when they do some stupid shit like thinking that being 300lbs and walkin on top of a roof might not be worth worrying. Anyway, I was watching this clip of a karate instructor who thought it would be ok to look the other way while telling his 4 year old student to kick. Needless to say the guy got kicked in the nuts and I laughed my ass off. I then turned to my wife and said "what a dumbass what the hell was he thinking? That's what he gets for being stupid." In comes Monday

I get home from work after a long day. The first thing that happens when I get home is that my daughters greet me, either by running and huggin me or by blowing me kisses (I have the most beautiful girls in the world and the rican and homer will tell you that they don't look anything like me. Thank God for that) On this particular day, as I get to the top of the stairs, my daughters see me and in their joy of seeing the best dad in the world (that's right I said it) the run towards me. One of them has a roll of wrapping paper, still wrapped. As they run (this is happening in slow motion) they lunge themselves at me. When I saw them, prior to them running I knelt on the floor. As my girl runs at me I notice the roll of paper really low. I couldn't react at this point, because it was either protect my self or let her fall. As I was reaching out to grab my daughters (twins) the roll hits me in the nuts. Let me describe what this was like. Think of a pole vaulter. When they make their approach, they lower their pole and stick it on the crevice to propel themselves up. That's what this was like, she stuck the roll of paper right on my left nut and propelled her self up. I will call her pole vaulter from now on. I was in a lot of pain and took about half hour to recover.

After I recover, my wife calls us to the table to eat. My fat ass runs to the table to eat (my wife is the best damn cook in the world. I say this in case she ever reads it, it might win me some points, but I'm sure I would loose those points as soon as she read the story of shitting on myself), before I do this I put my girls on their high chairs. When we are done, I proceed to get them down. As I'm doing this my other daughter, not the pole vaulter, jumps off her high chair, to my arms. As she reaches out to grab me, her legs swing and hit me on my other nut. OUCH. I'm fuckin hurting now, two incidents, two nuts crushed. I dropped on my knees and prayed for a quick recovery.

I again recover and realize the Chicago Bears are about to play. I recover quickly at the news and sit down to watch the game. The game is about the middle of the first quarter, the bears are leading 7-0, but the dolphins are moving down field. In my excitement I move from the couch to the floor. I sit down, extend my legs and my back is on the couch. At this point my daughters are running around chasing each other. They run around avoiding my legs. Apparently this took one of them too long to do in order to chase her sister. She finds a shortcut by jumping over my legs (why didn't I just lift my legs or sit Indian style? Dunno, but it will come back to haunt me). At the time I didn't notice that her jumps were getting closer to my body. By the time I realized it was too late. She jumps (I don't know which of the two it was) and her jump doesn't clear to the other side. She lands square on my nuts. Both feet, full force. AHHHHHHHHHHH is all I can say. Just at that precise moment I realized. KARMA. If I hadn't' laughed at that guy from FMV, if I Hondo made those remarks, this would never have happened. Why oh why did I have to do that.

Two reasons come to mind. 1. Don't do to others as you would do onto yourself. 2. Maybe this was a way for some one to tell me not to have kids anymore. I'm telling you my boyz can swim. Two attempts and three kids, the odds are on my side. But you know that Hispanics can multiply. Like John Leguizamo once said (he said it about Puerto Ricans, but it applies to Hispanics in general) "we multiply like roaches."

What is the gold nugget of the day? This goes out to guys, don't' laugh when u see another guy getting kick, slapped, pole vaulted or punched in the nuts. It might come back to haunt you like it did to me that awful Monday morning. The only redemption that day was that the Bears won.