My 2 firsts as a Lawyer

Finally I see the fruits of my labor after 2 months of working on files and working on cases that will take a long time.

My 1st first.
Last week Friday, I settled my first case. Of course I can't give the details of it but I can say this; Had I gone to the hearing and won, the only thing we would've recovered is our expenses. However, after a lot of negotiations we settled on something that not only our client has money in his pocket but our firm does as well. It may not be a significant amount but a victory nonetheless. I gotta admit, it was easy dealing with all parties this time, and I know it will get harder in the future. But a settlement is good to have in the belt. It will give me confidence and familiarity with this area of lawyering.



My 2nd first.
I went to my first hearing today. I would like to tell you that it was a heated battle between two well versed lawyers. I would also like to tell you that I shredded the other side to the point that they ran giving me and my client all the money we asked for and then some. In reality it was neither (to those of you who know me well, telling the truth is rather hard for me, and I love to embellish the truth. However, I have new found truthfulness via blogging and have to say is rather therapeutic. Indeed blogging has made me a better person. WOW what a nerd I am). Anyway, this was an unemployment insurance hearing. The other side never showed up and all I had to do was ask my client the questions. I successfully answered all the judges questions (which were, state your name, your position in the matter and if I would like a Jr. Mint (yes this is true and I wanted to laugh because it was like that Seinfeld episode where Kramer offers Jerry a Jr. Mint and ends up falling in the open cut of Elaine's boyfriend).

Simple enough right? Right, but it made me a lot more comfortable as far as asking my client questions, following up on items asked by the judge (the judge asked tons of questions, which made me feel good because a lot of the questions I wanted to ask he asked, which meant that I was doing something right). The biggest compliment I got came from my client. Of course he doesn't know any better but he said "thanks for making this really easy, we were well prepared and thanks to you I can sleep a little better tonight knowing I got some money coming to me." The truth is that it went well, but the judge still has to make that determination (my cocky side says "you nailed it nigga, holla at a brotha, cuz I fin get some fees outa this one.")

I got a similar compliment from the client whose case I just settled, so far my theme continues, (if you read a previous blog of my it is going from)
First it used to be - Damn it feels good to be a Gangsta (geto boys for those who don't recognize)
Then it went to - Damn it feels good to be a blogger (I just started blogging, and I like it)
Now it's - Damn it feels good to be a lawyer (in lieu of my recent accomplishments)

We'll see what the next "Damn it feels good to be a ____" says.

Grocery store

I was waiting in line at the grocery store waiting to pay for my items. As I was waiting there, there was this dude in front of me looking at a magazine. There was probably two people in front of him, so he had some time until his check out.

At this point all I can see is the back of his head, but he then turns to the side so I could see the left side of his face. I saw him and noticed something that I have never seen in a grocery store line. This guy was so fixated on the pictures (half naked girl) that I could see some drool on the side of his lip. It's not like I was staring so hard that I could see it, but when he turned there was a bit of a glare from the lights of his spit that made me look.

I look at the magazine and he's looking at the latest edition of Maxim. I have never seen this, this buy looked like he was gonna blow a load right there and then.

So I did what anyone else would've done. I said "hey man" "must be a nice pic of the girl in the cover"
He gives me this weird look as if to say "it's none of your business."

I was trying to be funny with this guy but apparently he got pissed off. He turns around and mumble something.

I, like the badass that I am, I say "Did u say something man?" (I don't know what's wrong with me, normally I wouldn't say anything but as of late I've been a lot more confrontational than I would like to be) I started getting really pissed and felt like throwing right there. But, I asked him again what he said, and my tone was bit more forceful if you will. He then says something that I couldn't understand, so I say "what the hell man if you got something to say, say it in my face."
He responds (really slow and in a sarcastic tone) "I s-a-I-d Nina Kaczorowski"
And I say "what?"
he says "you asked me who the girl was and I just told you who, and by the way thanks for making me look like a pervert in front of these people.

Then I realized that the people infront of us were looking and the cashier had the phone in her hand as if ready to call security.

Man did I feel like an ass. Not to mention that since I'm like 1 out of 10 Hispanics in this city, I'm sure I didn't do anything to help our image.

Not only did I made myself look like an ass but I also made the guy infront of me look like a pervert.

It's not my fault that guy was drooling, this would have never happened had he just read the magazine at home and do what he has to do behind doors. Still don't you find this disgusting for someone to be drooling in front of you? That guy should've gotten a beat down just for that.

If you wanna look at magazines and look at the girls there, do it. I don't have a problem with that. Just don't drool like that.

Oh well so much for starting the weekend on a good note.

Rules are Rules

I've been tagged by Superican so i should follow the rules. Here they are:

List ten songs you are currently digging....it doesn't matter what genre, or if they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists and the tens songs on your Blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

The ten songs that I am currently listening to are.....

1. Autenticos decadentes - Los Piratas
2. La Mosca - Te quiero comer la boca
3. El Gran Silencio - Chuntaro Style
4. Bob Dylan - Hurricane
5. Frank Sinatra - Strangers in the night
6. Sanatana - Love you much too much
7. BEP - Shut up
8. Getto Boys - damn it feels good to be a gangsta
9. Gangstarr - step up
10. Stevie Wonder - Superstition

There You have it......................

Now I will Tag:

Homer
The Rican
El Gringo-Hispano-Chardrian
The Talented Ms. Mokri
Last but not least my Q-Negro

TV commercials

This post might be a bit weird but hey that's what this is for.
Have you seen that Pepsi commercial with the guy on the maze, he finds the pizza and then finds the Pepsi? At the end they show the guy in the maze and mice in lab coats.

I don't know why but I find this commercial so fuckin disturbing. I really can't tell you why, maybe it's the idea of someone else putting me in a maze and controlling my life. Maybe it's that deep inside I have a real fear of mice, or that I find the Lab coats on the mice extremely disturbing.

Let me explain a bit. By disturbing I don't mean scared or really frightened. I just get this weird feeling, almost like heartburn or butterflies in my stomach.

I mentioned this to my wife and of course she laughed at me. She said "seriously, I realize how much I don't know about you when you pull this stuff." Thanks for being supportive. I laugh at myself at this reaction. It's just a weird thing, but the more I see the commercial the more disturbed I get. Does anyone out there feel the same way about this? Is it just me (which it most likely is)?

It also seems that in my posts I'm diverting to asking questions as opposed to posting Gold nuggets. Lets not forget that within my stories there lies gold nuggets. hahahaha. Ever since I started blogging it seems that I'm getting weirder and weirder. Thanks Homer. Also, thanks Rican for making me more blog literate (you are also responsible for me getting weird).

"Sorry, I didn't recognize my son"

Aight, what the fuck!!! I don't know how to insert this so I'll do it this way.
Have you guys read or heard this story about this so called guy "Piano Man?" Read the story, if not here is a quick breakdown. Guy appears wet on a beach in England, doesn't remember shit, doesn't talk to the doctors or anyone, but happens to play a mean piano. Here is the part that worries me.

The father of this guy, in an interview, said that "he would not have recognized him in any case because he had known him at home clean shaven and wearing glasses." Maybe I don't know the whole story between the father and this piano man, maybe PM left home when he was young, or maybe his father is too old to know any better. But, who in the fuck says that he didn't recognize his son because he used to wear glasses and was clean shaven. It's his fuckin son, why in the hell would he not recognize him. I know he said that he didn't read the newspapers and didn't watch the news. He also said that even if he did he wouldn't have recognized him anyway.

I don't know about you but I would know what my son looked like. Shit, people I haven't seen since grade school recognize me and I'm 5 times the size I used to be. If there is someone out there that knows more about this please enlighten me. I just don't get this at all. It's not like his son went incognegro and shaved his head, wore a fake nose, changed his complexion. And by the way did you see his beard/mustache whatever he had? It was like morning shadow. It's not as he he looked like grizzly Adams or one of the guys from ZZ Top. It was an inch long at best.

And, What kind of glasses did he wear at home that made him look so different. Did he wear those huge sunglasses Nicole Richie wears or the ones Lindsey Lohan wears where the sunglasses basically cover their whole face? Or did he look like the guy pictured here.

I'm trying to make sense of this story. I didn't hear anything about reporting his son missing. Maybe they had an estranged relationship and didn't talk since he left home. Again I'm trying to make sense of this but so far I can't.

Maybe I'm being a bit to harsh on the dad, but hey that's what he gets for making those comments.

Part II of "Who says that"

To get the rest of this story please read the previous one.
If you remember, the girl's name I'm using here is Sophia.
When I got back to Milwaukee, the first thing I did was call Sophia. I know, some of you may be saying "hey you didn't wait the three days to call her" or "calling her that quickly is a sign of desperation." First, who invented the 3 day rule. I understand there could be many reason as to why wait 3 days to call a girl. What I want to know is the reason that made it the rule, what was the hay that broke the camel's back. If anyone knows, please advice. Second, I was a bit desperate, this girl was fine and I was hadn't had some play in about a month, maybe more.

Anyway, I call Sophia when I get there, I was really hoping the number she had given me wasn't to a Chinese take out place, or the "singles" phone line. To my relief it was her cell number in Chicago. Again, a while back I wrote about having a list of things to talk about when you first call a girl you just met. In this case I didn't have a list of things to talk about because I had just gotten home from the 5 hour drive from Iowa.

She answered and I have to admit she sounded surprised I called her this quick.
I say "Hey Sophia, just calling to say hi and making sure you didn't give me a fake number"
She says "Wow, I'm really surprised you called me this quickly, usually guys wait at least 3 days to call me"
I say "really? I guess some guys are arrogant enough to wait that long and not realize that a fine girl like yourself can get snatched by anyone right away." How cheesy is this line.
She says "if other guys use the lines your using on me, I don't think you have to worry about me being snatched up, and by the way, no one snatches me up, I snatch guys up." BURN, number 15 I think, maybe higher. At this point I think she's gonna hang up on me, my face is red and I'm stumbling to find some words to say. She was gracious enough to say "Just kidding, but really I hope your just being charming and not serious with those lines"
I say "Of course, it's part of my charm, and I'm not using those line to get to bed with you"
she says "nothing you say will get me to bed with you, it's what you do not what you say that will determine that."

seriously, at this point I really don't know what to say. She saves the conversation and not let it get to the awkward silence and says "So, when are you coming to visit me"
I say "I'll hop on my car right now if you want me to"

Lets think about what's happening here. At first I thought I was in control of the situation, I'm thinking, yeah this girl is way into me. However, at this point and with that last answer I realize, this girl has me by the balls. I'm acting way to desperate and try to track back and say "Just kidding, I'm not busy two weekends from now, I can go then"
she says "That's too bad, if you were serious about coming now, I definitely would've made it worth your while" Damn, this girl has the upper hand on me the whole time and every answer I get leaves me speechless and acting like a dumbass. But I resist to back track once again and say "Oh well, but if you really want me to go there I guess I can try, let me call you back in an hour"
she says ok and we hang up.

I get home and the first thing I do is pack my bags as quickly as I can, if you would've seen me you would've thought that immigration was at my door and I was on my way to the next city. I pack, get my shit ready and I'm out the door. This is about 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday. I figured I would get there by 4 or 5 and have plenty of things to do. As I get to the freeway, I call her and tell her I'm on my way. She says "oh really, cuz I just made other plans and will be busy this weekend." I really felt like a fool now, and I told my self, that's it I'm not calling this girl anymore and I'm sure as hell not going there, but just as I'm thinking this and about to say something stupid, she says "Just kidding I'll be waiting"

I get there, park my car, knock on her door and she gives me the biggest, longest kiss any had girl had given me up to that point. I was so shocked, I felt like a marine (no disrespect superican) that was in war for two years and just got home to see my wife. When I went inside, she made some snacks and told me we were gonna have a good weekend.

First, we went to Michigan avenue, that will be the shopping area for those not familiar with the chitown area. She asked me if I brought any dress clothes, to which I said no, I packed so quickly I even forgot to pack underwear for the next day. She bought me a pair of pants and a shirt, and I bought some shoes at the Kenneth Cole store, I figured I needed a pair anyway (oh yeah, she bought me underwear and socks as well).
After some shopping we went back to her place, got ready (by the way I didn't have any idea as to what we were gonna do that day, but she had the whole day planned) and she just told me to drive and that's it. We went to the Hispanic area (by the way on the way there we went through Cabriney Green (sp?), which are some fucked up ass projects. I think the worst in the area, she told me this"Ok we're gonna go through a rough area, but we're really running late and that's the quickest way to get there. When you see the projects on your right hand side, there will be four stop lights from the beginning to the end of the projects, don't stop for any of those lights, pass right through then, and don't worry about getting pulled over for passing lights, there aren't cops around here at this time. OH SHIT, where the fuck is she taking me, remember at that time I had no idea where we were going. We passed it with no problem, but there could've been some problems. I had a Honda Civic (low to the ground) and there were so many pot holes, and they were so huge that I thought for sure I would mess something up on the car and would have to stop. Luckily no problems and made it to the play on time.

The play was in spanish and kind of weird, but it was a local production that a friend of hers was in. The play is over, she introduces me to her friends, for which I get the ok from. Then we go to eat. We drive for a while and we get to Little Italy, and eat the best Fettuccini Alfredo I have ever eaten. She made reservations to this place and we still had to wait for 2 hours to get in. But it was worth while, we saw a few of the Bulls players there and some from the other team they were playing, I can't remember who it was.

Dinner is great, we get done, we go to a club, do some dancing to burn of the calories, we get to her place at about 4 and then comes the best part.

NO we did not have sex, as in actual intercourse, but we did other things. I gotta tell you, what she did that night was the best and most erotic thing I have experienced. Of course to some I'm probably leaving out the best details, but believe me when I say this, sex would've ruined what I experienced that night. It was so sensual and so erotic that (I'm getting hot just thinking about it) to the day I can't forget it or thinking about it and wishing I could do it again.

Some of the fellas are probably thinking "what a puss, who talks about sensual and erotic and not care about sex" Believe me it was something that was better than sex.

The next day we woke up at 11, she made brunch. I was really speechless and didn't know what to say and we both sat there just relaxed and the silence wasn't awkward. When we were done she helped me pack the rest of my stuff, we went to the Bulls game in the afternoon (we had really good seats). When the game was over I took her home and I drove back home. On my way out the door I got the same big, long kiss I had gotten in the beginning.

For me, this was probably the best "date" I ever went on. It was something that was so nice, spontaneous that I can't forget it.

Anyway, I called her a couple of times, we talke but eventually it stopped and haven't talked to her since. I always wonder where she's at or what she's doing. What a night that was.

This isn't a story you would expect from the nugget, but I think writing about it, makes it good and I can leave it in the past.

Who says this?

I was in undergrad and I went to a convention to Iowa for minority students interested in going to law school. I met this girl there who was cool as hell. We hit it off pretty much from the first minute(this was a two day conference). I was right behind her in the registration line and she looked good from behind (which means she had a really nice ass).

As bold as I could be I said to her "where u from." (I know right, very creative)
She says "Chicago - Loyola, you?
Me "Marquette University. Are you here with a group or by yourself"(I know, I know, it already sounds creepy, like I'm gona follow her if she's alone) Anyway we keep talking and so it happens that we have a lot in common. We both like the Bears, we both wanna go to lawschool and we're both hispanic. I'm thinking I'm money. Well after the first seminar we sit together for lunch. She completely ignores me and just talks to the guy next to me.

I gotta give that dude credit, he was as smooth as me.
He started the conversation like this. "so, where you from?" "What school do you go to?"
I think the girl and him had almost the same conversation I had with her earlier. At this point I say to myself "oh well, so much for thinkin I was money"
Just as I'm thinking that she turns to me and rolls her eyes and whispers in close to my ear "can you get me out of here? This guy is driving me nuts with his small talk, even though it was almost the same conversation I had with her.

We go to the next seminar after that the day is over and we can do what we want. I get her number and tell her I will call her later to go out. My dumbass looses her number. I don't call her and we were gonna go to a party that was thrown by the Latino law students from Iowa.

I'm like, oh man this girl isn't gonna talk to me tomorrow. So my friends and I go this party. We're dancing salsa and merengue. I asked this girl to dance and just as I'm spinning this girl and her ass is right in front of me, and I'm ready to grind, who walks in? I look and see her looking at me. I in return spin the girl as fast as I can and kind of push her to the side, as if I didn't wanna dance with her. This other girl gave me a dirty ass look, but just moved on and found a different partner.

I go by this girl (I'll call her Maria Guadalupe Santos Ramiro de la Vega, just kidding, I'll call her Sophia) Sophia looks at me, as a girlfriend would, and says "first you don't call me, now your with a different girls, was this the plan for you?" I try to explain that I lost it, but she's already mad and proceeds "didn't took you too long to find another girl, did u use the smooth lines u used on me?" ouch, she says this very sarcastically.

She ignores me the rest of the night. As the party is winding down, I attempt to talk to her one more time. I apologize, she accepts and we keep talkin the rest of the night. The next few lines are very embarrassing and have never shared with anyone, including my brothers, and I tell them all the stupid shit I do.

We're talkin outside some restaurant and the background music is Sinatra "Strangers in the night" Since I'm so smooth I tell her "u know here we are in this bench enjoying the night, listening to Sinatra, and indeed we are strangers in the night." I proceed in singing (and anyone who knows me knows I can't sing worth shit) not singing loud but softly. This is very embarrassing.

As the song is ending she looks at me and smiles at me. I think the smile was supposed to be laughter as to what I just had done. Anyway, as if that wasn't enough I say to her "wanna come to my hotel room?" She looks at me and says "why, so you can tell your buddies you had sex with me?" ala Ashton Kutcher in that 70's Show, BURN
Again as if that wasn't enough I say "No, I don't wanna have sex with you, I just wanna lay in bed naked next to you, there's nothing more beautiful like the sight and feel of beautiful girl's naked body."

WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT. I can't believe I just said that. I still laugh every time I remember that.

In the end, we call it a night, she gives me a kiss on the cheek and says "see you tomorrow"
I went to my room, and when I got there I realized all the shit I did that night and what a fool she thought I was.
Long story short, we saw each other the next day and exchanged numbers, again.
I visited her once in Chicago, where I had one of the best days ever. But that's for a different post.

Little city v. Big City

As some of you know I recently moved to a small city in Wisconsin. I used to like in Milwaukee, which is the big city in Wisconsin. What a difference in life between the two.

Little City (LC herein after)
1. Everyone says hi when passing by
Big City (BC herein after)
1. Everyone gives you the finger when passing by

LC
2. Everyone does volunteer work
BC
2. No one volunteers to work

LC
3. Bad drivers (old people)
BC
3. Bad drivers (mean old people and young punks

LC
4. I drop my jacket and someone picks it up
BC
4. I drop a jacket and it gets stolen

On number 4 I once dropped my Syracuse jacket, someone noticed it still had the
tags on it, got a gun pulled on me and he took the jacket.

LC
5. Full service gas stations
BC
5. Gas stations that don't serve shit (including gas)

LC
6. People burning leaves
BC
6. People burning cars

LC
7. Groups of old people in the one mall
BC
7. Groups of thugs in all the malls

LC
8. People gather for food at the one MCDs
BC
8. People gather to fight at the local feedin place

LC
9. Long drives on the country roads
BC
9. Very long drive to get to a country road

LC
10. should take 10mn to get to work I get there in 10mn
BC
10. should take 10 mn to get to work I get there in 40

LC
11. I look up and see the stars
BC
11. Some hits me for no reason and I see stars

LC
12. 98% white people (mainly nice)
BC
12. 70% whites (mainly racist)

LC
13. 2% minorities, can't wait to meet them
BC
13. 30% minorities, can't wait to kill them

I love this little town it's nice to raise a family, but I gotta admit I miss the looks, sounds and feel of the bigger city.

Time to move

I have moved quite a few times in my life. I have moved from Bolivia to Miami and from Miami to Wisconsin. In Wisconsin I probably moved about 6 or 7 times. I am familiar with moving and all the things required. I will talk about something that happened when we moved from Miami to Wisconsin.

Aight, I'm about 11 or 12 at this point. It sucks that we're moving from Miami, but pops gotta a job so the fam must move. I loved Miami, so much to do, so many nice beaches and things to do all year round, unlike Wisconsin when it gets to be those 30 below days that you can't do shit but bundle up with a blanket and watch a movie from the collection (it's usually one of the God Father's or Goodfellas). Back to the story. We're packing the stuff, and the my dad (who's CDL certified) pulls the rig to the curb so we can start loading all our stuff. We lived in an apartment complex so my dad parked the rig in front of the building. As we're loading the stuff, our neighbor, what we thought was a nice Cuban, starts yelling.
"Hey main (he's trying to say man, if your Hispanic you know what I'm talking about with their accents) que pasa chico."
Dad "What's the problem"
Cuban "Jur trok is blocking mi ventana"
Dad "so, we're moving, what do u want me to do, move your truck so you can look out the window?"
Cuban "claro chico, tass right"
Dad "we'll move it when we're done"
Cuban "putanga main dee trok is too big"
At this point my dad gets pissed cuz he's starting to swear, and if you know my dad any bad word said in his direction is fightin words. The following conversation was in spanish but I'll translate for our anglo friends and others that don't know spanish.
Dad "Listen to me, you say one more word to me and I'll beat you all the way back to Cuba"
Cuban "why" (who the fuck says why after that person was threatened)
Dad "you don't swear at me and keep talkin, if you swear at me I'll make sure you can't open your mouth again to swear at me"
Cuban "calm down my friend, it's OK" (do you see the reversal, he started tough, now he's down to nothing)
Dad "leave us alone now, you got it?
Cuban "ok, sorry I won't bother you guys again (this was the clincher) and take your time"
Again, I'm either 11 or 12 and I started laughing cuz this cuban guy just got punked by my dad.
At that time I respected and feared my dad. I respected him cuz he didn't back down, and let me tell you, this guy was really big, he was about 6'6" and muscular and my dad is 5'9" and stocky. I feared my dad in the sense that from that point on I knew if I really talked back to my dad or didn't listen to him I could seriously get my ass beat.
After the cuban left, my dad looked at me and winked at me. I took that to mean "how u like me now."
Props to my pops. Any stories out there when you realized whether you dad was as tough as you though he was?

Happy Thoughts

Well my friends, I'm officially an attorney. The Board of Bar Examiners surely missed a lot when allowing me to practice law here. Oh well. I'll tell you about the ceremony next time, right now to more important things. Songs that make u reminisce of the "good ol' dayz."

It never fails, everytime I hear "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta" by the Getto Boys, it takes me back to simpler days. I think everytime I heard that song I was either under the influence of certain substances or just cruisin with the fellas. I gotta admit, I had a few friends that were in gangs and looking for something devious to do, and for some reason when we did something bad and heard that song it made it all worthwhile, as if we truly were gangstas. Now that I think about it, all it was some young kids with nothin better to do, other than pickin fights or involved in some form of vandalism, just having a good time. The shit we got into is by no means harmless, but for some reason listening to that song, it made everything we did legit under the eyes of our friends.

"Cuz now I got the world swingin' from my nut damn it feels good to be a gangsta" If that isn't a good ending to a song I don't know what is.

One day in particular comes to mind. I gotta admit, at the time I was scared as hell, but of course when I told the story later I said I wasn't. I was in 10th grade I think. My boyz and my brother's boyz were cruisin looking for some action. A car with a bunch of fools rolls up next to us and starts talking shit. It was probably 6 of us in my car, what they didn't realize that my brother was behind me in his Blazer with 6 of his buddies and behind him 4 more buys were rollin with us. Before we knew it, my brother is tailgating them and we see they're calling someone. What we found out later was that those fools were calling their boys for some back up. 15 minutes later we're all in a park ready to throw down.

I was scare cuz my buddy thought he saw one of them with a gun. My brother and his six buddies were all up front talking to the other guys telling them to get out and fight (real macho right? Once everything happened we realized how stupid it was for him to be in the open when we thought they had guns). In the mean time the rest of us are hiding behind some shrubs ready to jump them when the least expect it.

We saw a total of three cars that they were rolling with, we weren't sure how many people were there. It turns out that it was 10 of them and no gun, what they had was pipes. When they get out, they're talkin shit - my brother's crew is talking shit. At this point one of the guys that was hiding with us makes a move and jumps out. Naturally we all jumped out, but we didn't wait long enough so as to not give them a chance to run. They saw the rest of us and got in their cars and drove off. Sure enough after this happen (this was my first encounter with what would've been a group fight) I turn on my radio, pop the cassette (tells you how old I am) and what song comes up next? Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. It was a good feeling after wards.

10 years later and family and a law degree later I realize just how stupid it was to do the shit we did. And for what? Nothing really, just a way for the boyz to show how tough we were. in reality it doesn't prove anything, all it proved was that I was stupid at the time, regardless of the risks we were taking.

But to this day, everytime I hear that song I think of those days, and regardless of the stupidity of the situation I think, damn it felt good to be a teenager. It's funny when older people would tell that I would miss high school days, I would laugh and say "hellz no, I'm fin forget this shit right quick." Now I think of the glory days of high school - not high school, I hated that shit, and I'm glad that's done, I miss the carelessness of the world at the time and all I had to worry about was hooking up with a girl and knowing there was a party to go to every weekend (maybe not like the ones the rican has been but good parties nonetheless)

Cuz in the end "when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna doDamn it feels good to be a gangsta."

Nun's on the Run

What is the world coming to. A client comes in today - wait, let me take that back. A crazy guy stops in our office to make a demand, he'll be known as Nutty Joey (he introduced himself as Joey). Nutty Joey is mad. Nutty Joey wants to sue somebody. Nutty Joey is ... Fucking Nuts. He stops in because he wanted to sue the city (he got kicked out of a public library) because they have unjustly put him in a black list never to let him in again. He had previous encounters were he harassed people, but what he did last week was the straw that broke the camel's back. He got kicked out for harassing a Nun. Who in their right mind harasses a nun. I've never heard of even crazy guys harassing a Nun. This guy comes in here and has the minerals (lets not forget he has a few missing from his head) to say that it was the Nun's fault. Lets assume the Nun was at fault. Who in the right mind is gonna believe that a Nun is the bad person. I'm not saying that Nun's are saints, I've dealt with mean ass Nun's in grade school. But I've never heard a Nun harassing a random person in a public library, or any public place for that matter.

Gold Nugget? That's simple - if you think you can sue a nun for harassment, your dead wrong, the only chance your gonna have is maybe a sexual harassment claim on a priest, they're the guilty ones.

I realize that with my last comment I may piss of some of my catholic readers, but hey facts are facts. Too many scandals involving priests and kids. I would never trust a priest alone with my daughters or son if I had one. Let's get back to the topic at hand though, anyone out there with some crazy Nun stories or related issues?

Karma

This is my second attempt at this post.
On Sunday I was watching AFV (America's funniest videos) with the fam. I love that show because there is nothing funnier than watching people gettin hurt. Specially when they do some stupid shit like thinking that being 300lbs and walkin on top of a roof might not be worth worrying. Anyway, I was watching this clip of a karate instructor who thought it would be ok to look the other way while telling his 4 year old student to kick. Needless to say the guy got kicked in the nuts and I laughed my ass off. I then turned to my wife and said "what a dumbass what the hell was he thinking? That's what he gets for being stupid." In comes Monday

I get home from work after a long day. The first thing that happens when I get home is that my daughters greet me, either by running and huggin me or by blowing me kisses (I have the most beautiful girls in the world and the rican and homer will tell you that they don't look anything like me. Thank God for that) On this particular day, as I get to the top of the stairs, my daughters see me and in their joy of seeing the best dad in the world (that's right I said it) the run towards me. One of them has a roll of wrapping paper, still wrapped. As they run (this is happening in slow motion) they lunge themselves at me. When I saw them, prior to them running I knelt on the floor. As my girl runs at me I notice the roll of paper really low. I couldn't react at this point, because it was either protect my self or let her fall. As I was reaching out to grab my daughters (twins) the roll hits me in the nuts. Let me describe what this was like. Think of a pole vaulter. When they make their approach, they lower their pole and stick it on the crevice to propel themselves up. That's what this was like, she stuck the roll of paper right on my left nut and propelled her self up. I will call her pole vaulter from now on. I was in a lot of pain and took about half hour to recover.

After I recover, my wife calls us to the table to eat. My fat ass runs to the table to eat (my wife is the best damn cook in the world. I say this in case she ever reads it, it might win me some points, but I'm sure I would loose those points as soon as she read the story of shitting on myself), before I do this I put my girls on their high chairs. When we are done, I proceed to get them down. As I'm doing this my other daughter, not the pole vaulter, jumps off her high chair, to my arms. As she reaches out to grab me, her legs swing and hit me on my other nut. OUCH. I'm fuckin hurting now, two incidents, two nuts crushed. I dropped on my knees and prayed for a quick recovery.

I again recover and realize the Chicago Bears are about to play. I recover quickly at the news and sit down to watch the game. The game is about the middle of the first quarter, the bears are leading 7-0, but the dolphins are moving down field. In my excitement I move from the couch to the floor. I sit down, extend my legs and my back is on the couch. At this point my daughters are running around chasing each other. They run around avoiding my legs. Apparently this took one of them too long to do in order to chase her sister. She finds a shortcut by jumping over my legs (why didn't I just lift my legs or sit Indian style? Dunno, but it will come back to haunt me). At the time I didn't notice that her jumps were getting closer to my body. By the time I realized it was too late. She jumps (I don't know which of the two it was) and her jump doesn't clear to the other side. She lands square on my nuts. Both feet, full force. AHHHHHHHHHHH is all I can say. Just at that precise moment I realized. KARMA. If I hadn't' laughed at that guy from FMV, if I Hondo made those remarks, this would never have happened. Why oh why did I have to do that.

Two reasons come to mind. 1. Don't do to others as you would do onto yourself. 2. Maybe this was a way for some one to tell me not to have kids anymore. I'm telling you my boyz can swim. Two attempts and three kids, the odds are on my side. But you know that Hispanics can multiply. Like John Leguizamo once said (he said it about Puerto Ricans, but it applies to Hispanics in general) "we multiply like roaches."

What is the gold nugget of the day? This goes out to guys, don't' laugh when u see another guy getting kick, slapped, pole vaulted or punched in the nuts. It might come back to haunt you like it did to me that awful Monday morning. The only redemption that day was that the Bears won.

No more spell checks

This fuckin sucks. I spent about an hour typing, what i thought was gonna make a good post and when i was doing the spell check it errased my whole story. sorry for the inconveniece to all my loyal readers. I should do some work now and will re-type that shit later today. Sorry.

I'm being interviewed by Puerto Rican Angel

If you want to be interviewed here's how it works.....
1. If you want to participate leave a comment below that says "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions, each person's will be different.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

Here are the questions and responses

1. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I think I'm gonna have to say Angelina Jolie - she looks so damn sexy

2. Where would you go on your dream vacation?
I would Start in Italy then to Thailand then to Mozambique and then to Bolivia

3. If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 things would you bring with you and why?
1. The finest girl I could grab (I know guys say why bring a woman she'll talk ur ear off along with the other negatives of a woman but to me sex will override all that crap)
2. "The Pill" for her cuz I don't want her pregnant on an island (we'll be shaggin like dingoes in the outback)
3. Food to have energy for all the sex we're gonna have (of course this assumes she'll wanna have sex but at some point there is the desperation, so at some point she'll break)

4. What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
This is gonna be really embarrassing, and it happened when I was in third grade. I really had to go to the bathroom, I had to take a piss, I asked the teacher if I could go the bathroom and she said no. Half hour later I ask again and again she says no. This goes on for a while until she gets tired of me asking and lets me go (the classroom was really big the teacher was in the opposite side of the door and the other kids were doing art projects so she wasn't paying attention). As I'm on my way out the door guess who steps in front of me and the door, you guessed it the fuckin bully (still remember his face, that evil smile, and his name; Roberto Pinto if you are out there you muthafucka, I will find you and cut your nuts off you SOB; ahhhhhhhh it feels good to get that out). Anyway he doesn't let me through (it has been over two hours since I first asked the teacher, I guess she wanted me to wait till recess) he starts pushing me around, finally I get mad and tried pushing him around and called him a pendejo (asshole, pretty foul for a third grader but things are different now and kids say worse things than that). He gets mad, grabs me by the arm and punches me as hard as he can on the kidney. Remember that my bladder is full and have been holding the piss for a while now. Well you can see the obvious, I pissed on myself and if you have ever been punched on the kidney, you know that it hurts a lot more being punched there than in the stomach. Well, that's not the only thing that came out, I literally shit myself. I bet you didn't' see that coming, I bet I sure ass hell gonna get shit from my buddies (specially freakinrican, I know ur ass aint gonna let this go by). I don't care though, I was in third graded and my bladder and apparently my intestines were full. This should make some people laugh and my friends not want to shake my hand anymore.

5. What's the craziest thing you have ever done?
Now this is something I can't discuss because it involves a girl and if for some reason she came across this she will know it's her and that would be the end of me. I'll just say a stupid thing I did; It was my birthday and the boys and girls from UPS (if you read my blog you'd know I worked there and crazy shit has happened there) took me out. When I got there they had 5 shots of tequila waiting for me. I took those straight followed by a beer. I had about 3 more beers in half hour and I had 5 more tequila shots waiting for me. I had about 3 or 4 beers in about an hour and then I had 5 more shots of tequila waiting for me followed by a beer. If you haven't counted yet that is 15 shots of tequila and about 8 beers in about two hours. Needless to say I was drunk as shit, the pants came down and the first thing I did after that was grab a girl and took her to the dance floor (this was a rather small bar and dance floor was really small) and I was dancing with one of my employees with no pants. Unfortunately someone happened to have a camera with them and some pics were taken. I don't know were those ended up so I hope they never turn up.

I really can't believe I answered these questions. I'm sure I will loose some friends after this.

"So, what's up..."

I was watching seinfeld and I got the idea for today's post. George, always the neurotic, is calling this girl that Elaine is hooking him up with. The next day George walks into Jerry's apartment all exited and says that their conversation was so good that he didn't talk about the list of things he had planned to talk about. There are other episodes were it is mentioned that he has a list of things to talk about so the conversation doesn't end up with both people saying the above mentioned title. It got me thinking ( I have been married almost 5 years now so it's been a while since I had the "first" call to the significant other) did I ever do that?
I gotta admit, I may not have written a list, but I sure as hell had a list on my head of things to talk about. For the most part it always ended up with either me not using my topics because we both had so much in common or the other person and I just didn't click and it didn't matter the topics I had, the conversations were just dull.
One of those conversations comes to mind and I will try to re-enact it as closely as I can (since my ass is so old and this happened when I was in high school. By the way the girl's name was Tikka (if that isn't a black girl's name I don't know what is). Little background, met this girl in a club and is the first black chick I hooked up with, girl was fine but as you will see the conversation not to good despite my exiting predetermined topics.
Me: Hey Tikka what up, this is Ricardo
Tikka: Haaaay, what up.
Me: Just calling to see what you were up too and see if you wanted to kick it tonight
Tikka: Fo reeeeal. Can't dude I'm finna go with my babygirls (her friends) out tonight.
Me: oh aight (at this point I wanted to hang up to avoid a bad conversation but she kept me on for a while)
Tikka: I still wanna talk to you though, we had a good time last night (don't get your minds in the gutter, we danced pretty much all night, she was shaking her booty, and I was loving it)
Me: So what up?
Tikka: Not much
Me: (first planned topic) So you like dancing (I know, cleaver isn't it?)
Tikka: Tadaow (I assumed this meant yes)
Me: you like that club
Tikka: Tadaow
Me: (I'm thinking this isn't going good, topic two, this is highschool by the way) what else u do besides go to clubs...you party a lot at friend's house?
Tikka: tadaow
Me: Yeah I like going to friends parties too
Tikka: Haaaay
Me: You going to one tonight?
Tikka: Tadaow
Not to make this too long but as you can see every response was either "tadaow" or "haaaaaaay"
Here is, from what I remembered things to talk about
1. Talk about her highschool
2. Does she play sports in school
3. Does she drink or smoke (either one)
The list goes on about shit like this but I think I only did a couple since I was getting no responses and no matter what I talked about it was just a shitty conversation, needless to say I never called her again. Apparently she did like me though since she called me about 6 times after that and got the picture since I never came to the phone. I guess I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there that does this, either writes or thinks hard about what to talk about before making that first call. Let me know.

UPS - behind the scenes

I used to work for UPS, I miss working there because the funniest people and the funniest things happen there. I started there as an hourly and was eventually a supervisor.
Do you guys remember Ace Ventura Pet Detective? The part in the beginning when he is dressed up as a delivery man and is kicking that package all over the place, that is not too far from reality. I don't know how many times I had to reprimand people for using the packages as a football and kicking it into the container as if making a field goal (and I have to say that I was reprimanded for that same stuff when I was an hourly). Anyway, besides all the breaking of packages, accidentally and purposefully, nothing will top the crazy people (of course this doesn't include me) that worked there. I liked making up nicknames for the people there, some stuck with them and I swear to you (to the people that are still there when I was still have the nicknames) most people just new them by the nicknames and not their real names.

1. "sarge" - ex army dude, military discharged for suspicion of selling weapons and drug use (how he passed our screening I have no idea) . I gave him the nickname and, the sarge ever the army guy, loved it. He was demanding like a sergeant but at times a prick, and if he didn't like you, you were fucked. He had this demented look to him that would make u shit your pants. The guy was just crazy.

2. Tubs - he was this huge black guy, you may think fat because of tubs but he was built like a tank. He was another army guy that I wouldn't be surprised if he also got discharged. He had one of the funniest lines ever. There was this one black dude, his name was Jamale (pronounce Ja - male), tubs was talking to him ( all his front teeth were gone and when he would talk he would always have food in his mouth so naturally no one got close to him when he started talking in fear that a chip would fly out of his mouth) and he referred to Jamale as Jamal and Jamale finally says "dude what the fuck I keep telling you my name is Jamale not Jamal" Tubs says "Jamale, Jamal, I don't give a shit (with food flying out of his mouth mind you) you still the same nigga!!!" I had to laugh and Jamale had no choice but to laugh also.

3. Bird - There was an episode that will stick on my mind for a long time, that was the day I met the toothless trailertrash girl. I've told this story to a few people and it's a tough one to swallow but here it goes (the only reason I'm telling this is in hopes that I get more readers here, Just kidding).
This new girl starts, her body was not bad, but the face was that of Larry bird (we called her bird, she thought it was a compliment everytime we called her that, she must have thought that, as birds beign pretty, we were referring her as such, little did she know it was for having a nasty ass face. We also called her gummer, you will find out why). Every Thursday we would go out to the bar and get wasted (tons of crazy shit has happened, from girls taking their clothes off to guys taking their pants down and pictures being produced for later embarrassment). Bird goes out with us (this was the second week she was there). As I'm drinking heavily, she tells me, "you wanna see something?" of course I say yes. She comes back and shows me a bunch of photos of her naked (she wanted to submit them to playboy or hustler, you would've been more successful is she would've submitted it to "Call of the Wild") At this point, it's about 1 am and I'm drunk. She takes me out to the dance floor and is trying to dance and tells me, "wanna see something else?" and again drunk as I am I say "Sure" Then she proceeds in opening her mouth (this was in the middle of a so-called dance area in a rather small bar) Right now I'm thinking what the fuck is she gonna do. She then, with her tongue, pushes her false teeth out, TOP and BOTTOM. I give her this look, as if I'm gonna throw up, and she tells me "you know how good my blowjobs are without my teeth?" (if there is anyone who has experienced a gummer please let me know if I missed out, but regardless of that, and how drunk I was I was not about to go down that road, or rather I was not gonna let her go down my road) I look at her in disgust and say "You nasty ass bitch, what the fuck, you thought I was gonna like that? Damn you nasty ass ho." I was her supervisor and she was my employee, maybe not the nicest thing to say considering I have to see her the next day. Of course after those words she turns around and leaves (I have to say that we were ok the next day I think we both understood the situation and were happy to leave it behind). I will leave you with the lasting impression of a girl with no teeth and the face of Larry Bird."
I thought my goldnugget was gonna be, never hook up with a girl like that, among other things, but I guess if it's that good without the teeth then so be it and can't recommend against it, for depriving a man of the best BJ would be the wrong advice.